I am having difficulty knowing how to be good support for Mom (80). Advice?

For the rest of John's story https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/Dad-with-Dementia-Mom-blind-with-diabetes-174896.htm

Do not quit your job.!! What makes you think that dad has dementia?

I almost quit my job this week and was going down to Florida to get myself sober in a program near them so I could be near them to support them. I changed my mind because being in their presence triggers too much negative emotion in me. I want to be able to say the right things over the phone to be of support to them. I have had issues all my life with drinking too much but I've learned to deal with my problem of not driving anymore. I ride a bike everywhere. My sister says she loves my dad and don't think he has dementia. She has never got along with my stepmother because my stepmother is too demanding when it comes to a lot of things especially her religious preference. I try to honor my step mom's wishes when it comes to religion because I'm single. My sister's husband is baptist and they tend more towards Non-Denomination religious belief. I don't want to turn this post into a religious debate but hope to get some insight on my situation from others point of view of the situation here I am facing.

John, there are a couple of different issues here. First, do you or your sister have power of attorney? You really can't help all that effectively if you can't talk to her and your dad's doctors and help with finances. Second, not having a clear mind when dealing with this kind of situation is deadly. So find a therapist or counselor to help you deal with your feelings about your parents getting old. Third, it's very hard to deal with these problems from a distance. Can you have a conversation with dad's doctor to find out what his needs are? Have you spoken directly to your sister? Maybe she's not blowing them off, maybe they are not listening to her. Find that out for sure.

What is your parents' financial situation like? Could they (or you) afford to hire a geriatric care manager near them, who could help them navigate their care? You're too far away to do a lot of good without extra help that is local to your folks.

I know you know this, but getting drunk isn't helping and is hurting you. So get some help for yourself while you're at it. It sounds like there's some family history there if your sister wants no part of helping mom and dad. Are your folks hard to deal with? If so, that's another reason to have a third party who's objective about the situation look at what happening and how your folks can get some help. I'm sure you'll get some other good answers on here...keep us posted.