Attention seeking Grandma getting too much. Any advice?

Its nice to know that others have had this we are not alone but horrible for you to ve going through it too. Before my grandad died she was the most amazing mama anyone could have always been so close. Feel like im grieving for a grandmother that I havent actually lost yet.
The paramedics didnt take her to the ER Im guessing they knew it was for attention. I go on certain days tuesday thursday and saturday its my poor aunt and uncle that get the brunt of it :-( they need to tell her no but she guilt trips then and my aunty feels its her duty. We thought the threat on a nh would shock her into change .... but no

pam zimmrrt has the answer, and we actually had to do that. Let her go to the ER, tell her to call you when she is in a room. Deprive her of the audience, she wants everyone to show up and fuss over her. Just don't.
As for visiting, we took assigned days. We rescheduled her MD visits to fit OUR schedule, because she was also using this to manipulate us.
All this got better when we got her to try Assisted Living. They keep her busy and miraculously the maladies disappeared.

She needs some limits set or she absolutely will run everyone ragged and has already been able to make herself into someone no one wants to live with. Her behavior has gotten her some immediate gratification, but at the cost of a real relationship. People only care for her because they feel forced to, and on some level she knows it. If she ever was capable of empathy for others she does not seem to be now. Geropsych eval, and the whole family uniting with a resounding NO, people who want to live independently can't constantly call begging for help and call 911 on a regular basis, would be very appropriate. This will not get better without intervention and with people totally reinforcing exactly the behaviors that no one can stand.

If she called 911, and they took her? Let them keep her awhile.. no one go and pick her up. If she doesnt get the attention she may back off.

Sounds like your aunt and uncle need to back off before they go under while trying to do all that they are doing. You are right, your mother is only thinking of herself.

She lives alone in a bungalow. Shes not incapable of doing things for herself I think she doesnt want to. She is a little unsteady but the slip on wedges she wears does not help and when we suggest flat full shoes and maybe a frame she poo poos the idea!
Over her dead body would she go into a home we mentioned wardanated flats but she said no but if she wants 24/7 company thats the only way she'd get it. I feel she wants one of us to have her live with us but no one has the room or really want her living with them. Your right I have a four year old when she has a tantrum I behave how she is and she looks at me and says you look silly mummy, I say just like you .... I'll try that with mama lol
I dont pander to her all the time when she rings on days I dont go I tell her Im busy and cant go round, she just hangs up on me and continues to bother other family members till she gets company :-(

You don't mention if she's incapable of doing anything for herself. What is her physical status? Does she live alone? Maybe she could move into a senior apartment situation where there would be things to do and other people to interact with. However, I agree that your family members are saying "how high" when your grandma says "jump". If everyone can communicate about setting some limits, then follow up, she would HAVE to ease up. She might scream a bit louder for awhile but once she sees it isn't working, she will possibly improve.
As long as her tactics are working, there's no motivation to change her ways. For comparison, think about how you get a toddler to stop throwing tantrums... you ignore them. No audience, less drama.

I think mama is good at guilting us thats why we havent cooled off going round. Last week she said she has nothing to live for which makes us feel great! My mum is worried if we cut out a visit it would tip her over the edge... and mamas being cunning knowing full well thats why we havent.
Its draining my aunty and uncle and their daughter is concerned for their health, she says they hardly have a hot cooked meal anymore are drained and they are 60 and 63 themselves. I dont understand how mama cant see what shes doing to us but shes only thinking of herself

It sounds like other than your mother that none of your grandmother's other adult children are of much help.

Well, you ended up not being selfish which is great and that means your mother did a great job in raising you. Your husband advice might be correct and evidently the children are tired of all of this draining on you.

Babalou has given you some good advice.

My mama has 5 daughters, 1 hasnt been in contact for 15 years. My mum visits twice a week but works ft and works early the other 2 daughter are not muchhelp and visit when they feel like it. Most of it falls on my aunty whos retired but she had a daughter and new grandaughter too. She had 8 grown up grandchildren but only myself andmy cousin with the new baby visit. My husband says I should cut down days especially in the week going after work and the kids are tired.
Shes on antidepressants but I think its the way she is not depression any more. Shes been offered councilling on a few occasions goes once and says they cant help her... she doesnt give them chance! If we ignore her calls she just hounds us even more with calls and voicemails. Its upsetting as my grandad was ill for 20 years and never once complained was in pain every day there isnt anything wrong with mama and behaves like this .... I ask grandad every night to sort her out but the afterlife must be too good lol
She'd rang the dr this morning and because they wouldnt come out Im guessing thats why she called an ambulance. I know it must be aweful to loose your husband of 60 years but as we keep telling her we cant replace him and we are doing our best

I'd stop answering her calls. If she won't go see a geriatric psychiatrist to find out why she's behaving this way, I'd ignore her crying wolf. If she continues to call 911, authorities may investigate and take charge.

Your grandma is being passive aggressive and selfish. I don't think you will be able to reason her out of her behavior. However, you as well as your aunt and uncle can set boundaries on what you will and will not do. You truly have your hands full already with a job and 2 young children. Those two things plus taking care of yourself need to be your top priorities. Where are your grandmother's children, your parents in all of this? What does your husband think about all of this? Unless she is a danger to herself and to others, I don't see where you can really help someone who does not want to help themselves.