I know Mom will back out of going to dinner Christmas Eve, she always does this. Should we go without her?

Mimix2, sounds like you have a good plan.

My son's girl friend has a college-age daughter with social anxiety. We often invite her to dinners and family events and we always tell her to do what she feels comfortable with that day. Sometimes she comes and sometimes she doesn't.

I hope you can give your mother the option to join you or stay home, right up to the last minute, and then go ahead with your plans with her or without her.

(Wouldn't social anxiety be a real bummer?)

Thanks all...She does have social anxiety, so it is expected. She can fend for herself just for a while. I think the compromise is to go to an early dinner, bring something home & watch all the old Xmas movies! Just her first Christmas without my Dad!

babalou is right on target. Yes, when they start to have poopy pants they will not tell you, they will just refuse to go out in public. We are going through that right now with mom in ALF.

You know, at the very beginning of my mom's cognitive decline, my mom started refusing to go out. It turned out that what was going on had to do with what is called fecal incontinence. She was treating herself with both immodium and citrucel, getting backed up from the one and leakage from the other. It took a long time and eventually a hospitalization to straighten this all out. So what i'm saying is, look beyond the obvious.

Yes go. bring her back sometime she enjoys an appetizer or desert. take a nice plate with you so they can present it nicely rather than throw it in a box. Have a good dinner.

If she's been doing this for years, then she may have some sort of social anxiety that has nothing to do with the dementia. If she is able to be left at home by herself, then I would say go and enjoy the dinner, as this is probably what you're in the habit of doing. As time passes, the situation may change, so enjoy it while you still can. Depending on the level of her dementia, she may not even realize the passing of time while you're out. Five minutes, 30 minutes, next day - all the same to my MIL. She has no notion of time anymore. But then we are years into this journey. Ditto what Jessie said.

Yes, go ahead. And go without any guilt. Our parents frequently lose the will or energy to get out and interact. It is her choice to stay home, so you should not feel any guilt about it. Enjoy yourself.