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john2102 Asked January 2015

Mom won't go into a home. Can you give some advice?

I am one out of two brothers, and one sister. All of us siblings range in age from 52-65 years in age.My mother 92 smokes and lives at home alone. She has hearing issues, and has emphysema. My sister and mother are always at odds. My sister has a nursing background. My mother has had nervous break downs and tons of shock treatments in her past, so to much excitement just winds her up mentally. My mother is very strong willed, and can get nasty when she is having a bad day. My mother is rational but i think due to past childhood things they go at one another like daggers. My mother wont go into a home no way no how! I would love to move in with her but i have asthma. I don't feel we have a lot of options. Can you give some advice. John

notrydoyoda Jan 2015
Wow, John that is quite a situation that you are in. I almost hesitate to ask if you or anyone has durable or medical POA.

Has she ever been evaluated for being incompetent by a doctor? I ask that because it is the only way you or one of your siblings are going to be able to take total control of her situation and force her to move by getting what is called guardianship which normally cost $5,000 and involves going to court with two doctors saying that your mother is not competent to handle her affairs.

Otherwise, she'll have to live at home alone because that is what she wants to do and possibly with some paid caregivers which really should be paid for by her money if she has any and wait until a doctor says that she can no longer live alone .

That's all that I can think of. Maybe some others will have more ideas.

pamstegma Jan 2015
You stay out of the line of fire. If they start with the daggers, get up, grab your coat and get out of there as fast as you can. Then you call 911 and let them separate the combatants. I would rather face a pack of angry raccoons than get caught up in a mother-daughter brawl.

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