Can parents request the lawyer not talk to siblings?

I would file a formal complain about the lawyer's unethical and unprofessional behavior. I would also explain to your parents your concerns and encourage them to get a new lawyer.

Parents only told me, since I'm Executor, so as to make sure I'm ready for the sibs to be disappointed.....i have made it abundantly clear to parents that i am not dependent on their/my own inheritance for my own retirement years. They are trusting me to first of all, take care of them should they be incapacitated, and after theyre gone, carry out their wishes with whatever is left. My folks are trusting me to do the best I can, and perhaps only time will tell if this lawyer is going to help, or be too costly in the future. My best approach is probably to educate myself as much as I can. So sad there are not too many truly good lawyers. Its hard to trust them, everyone knows that, and then to find your parents more or less stuck with them, at such incredibly high fees, is like torture. And to look at it from the lawyer's perspective--they LOVE families in turmoil, its so profitable!. Ach, gives me a headache.

Ah, but your parents get to pick their lawyer. Are they unhappy about this lawyer's behavior?

For a lawyer to discuss his client's affairs with others, let alone to bill his clients for such discussions, seems really weird (and probably unethical to me.)

Your parents have told you about the change to their will. Might they consider telling the rest of the family also, to lessen the complaints you will have to deal with as the executor?

Cmagnum, yes exactly my concern--the lawyer definitely has already taken into consideration the other siblings thoughts and desires, he has been unethical in his billings, and he defends his actions (!). I checked with our state bar assn, and they ccouldn't comment except to encourage me to file the formal complaint and they would investigate. Well, that leaves my parents (and thus, me) in a real bind, if one of them passes while the investigation is going on.....and I feel strongly that it's not a committee--my parents get to do what they want to do (except for dogs in Argentina). No lawyer should be running a family meeting at my parent's expense (unless that's what the folks wanted). I would prefer to start fresh with a new lawyer.

Would love to know more about that adding a condition that an unsuccessful contestation of a will, means that person loses their share.

cmag was right that the attorney does not have to talk to the siblings. In fact, the attorney shouldn't do that without the permission of your parents. Your parents are the clients. Your parents can share the wills if they choose. You can add a condition to a will that any heir who challenges the provisions of the will gives up any part of the estate if the challenge is not successful.

I do dislike seeing families torn by material things. It is really so unimportant in the whole scheme of things. Your parents should be able to do what they want with their money as long as they are competent to choose and are acting rationally (e.g., not leaving all their money to a dog in Argentina).

Yes parents are competent to make changes, they just did make changes in 2014, and no health issues since. They came up with this idea to include their church, all by themselves, and I can support that since churcb very important to both of them. In order to get to their lawyer, I have to drive them but I sit in the lobby. My BIG concern is that, after they both pass, my 4 siblings are going to be in for a surprise--and may call the law firm to complain (this lawyer almost retired, but his nephew will take over) and in the past, my sibs have felt like they are free to call the lawyer & complain, and then parents get the bill. However as the Executor I don't want any bills from siblings needing "help" understanding their own parent's wishes, as expressed in their own Will. Could my parents leave specific instruction to the law firm, no bills paid out of Estate for siblings complaints? Friends of mine (with other law firms) haven't heard about this, but think that would be a good idea, knowing how much my sibs like to complain. I'm just wanting my parents wishes to be respected and they don't seem to want excess money spent. And I wish they would go complain to their treadmill or golf ball, and leave my parents be.

Are your parents competent mentally to make several minor changes to their POA and Will. If they are competent, then they can meet with a lawyer and change it. Most likely, the lawyer is only wants to speak with his clients, your parents. If the siblings try to contact him, he will probably politely tell them this is a matter between him and your parents which is the professional and ethical things to do. Otherwise, he is influenced by the siblings input and not solely the input of your parents.