I am the only child left and my Mom has given POA and executor to her accountant. Is this right?

Sounds to me like one more example of as you say " pulling the strings" That string only need to exist in her head and not in yours so that you are not jerked around by it.

As a therapist once told my wife, you know there are strings attached to the gifts your mother gives you, just accept the gits and ignore the strings. As long as you stay all tied up about this, she is pulling the string. Let go of those feeling of anger, etc. and move forward with your own life. She not actually living with you, but she sure is living in your head although she is physically in assisted living. You chose when you go to see her and how long you will stay. If she gets verbally and emotionally abusive, tell her sorry mom but when you can talk with me as another adult I will, but you are not doing that so I am leaving or if it happens on the phone say the same kind of thing and then hang up. You have the strength to not let your mother control your life, how you feel, what you think, etc. You are not your mom and you are a separate self-sufficient human being apart from her and a grown woman who is no longer a little girl who does not have to put up with a controlling mom's emotional blackmail attempts to make you feel like a little girl buy using fear, obligation and guilt. To put this in sort of Star Wars type language, the FOG (the dark side, i.e. Fear, Obligation and Guilt) is strong with her, but you can break free from it. We can encourage you, support you and offer you our love, but you must decide to let go of this mess and move on, take care of yourself and live your own life instead of fretting over what your mom has decided to do or not do because those are her choices and fretting over them is not going to hurt her one bit, but staying stuck in such fretting will harm you. If needed, you may well find a therapist helpful in your journey out of the FOG! If you need that for your well being then do it and do it soon! If you are waiting for your mother to change into the mother that she never was, forget it for she is what she is by the choices she has made down through the years of her life and that cannot be changed unless she wants to change, but you can't make someone do what they don't want to do.

My wife and her twin sister lived for years under the strings pulled by their mom concerning the will. That was constantly dangled before them as a means of control and we spouses were to not rock the boat because it might mean loosing a part of the will. Well, guess who got tired of the strings? Yes, me and then my wife. It took us setting some boundaries and getting therapy, but we got our freedom from the wicked witch of the west so to speak and got our freedom. Oh her mother still says such things but neither my wife nor her sister are controlled by her smoke and mirrors. She's in assisted living now, but she is no longer feared like some "mommy dearest" who is her worshipfulness the queen! We have been going on with our lives for years. We have not abandoned her. We just are no longer emotionally enslaved by her like her husband was and died as, God bless his soul for he is the only man that I can say was truly enslaved by his wife which is far more than just being dominated or henpecked. That is minor compared to the hell he lived in. Much to her worshipfulness dismay, her daughters got their freedom and still have it although my wife's twin sister has to fight more for her freedom on a daily basis than my wife does because my SIL chose to live in that little dying town. I hope she outlives her mother because she well deserves some years on earth without having her mother so nearby.

I never considered myself living for an inheritance from either my mother or my dad. What my mother left me at age 82 in 2013 after being in the nursing home for 4 years came mainly from the money she inherited from her mom that died in 2006 at age 86 which mom hardly never touched because she and my step-dad had enough money to live on otherwise.What my MIL leaves or does not leave my wife is not in our retirement plan. My wife has her own investments and retirement plan. What she inherits from her mother will be icing on the cake if there is any. We do know that whatever my wife inherits from her mother will be in a trust that will only give her so much money a year. (MIL is very afraid that either on her son in laws might get some of her money. Her mom is 86 and no where close to dying. I'm almost 58 and my wife is 60. Probably a great portion of what she inherits will actually go to our children if the information about her mother's money is true. ) My dad who is 89 with 24/7 paid caregivers at home will not have a lot left to split between myself, my step-sister and my step-brother. Part of my third is being split between myself and my two boys. I could be upset about that, but I chose not to because that is how he wrote his will. That will be icing on the cake which I never planned for as far as my expectations for my own retirement. My wife and I could be upset that her money is controlling her inheritance by putting it in a trust run by the bank that will only let so much money out to just her, but we choose not to be upset by that. We continue on with our lives.

Maybe I've shared too much information about myself, but I've said this to say that you can let this stuff go and go on with your life. All in all while some people get a nice inheritance from their parents, most people have to work hard, save and invest in order to have a retirement and be able to leave an inheritance for their adult children and find ways of protecting it by buying long term care insurance from a good company and other things that one can do.

It's always better to have a CPA or an Attorney as a POA. Let them deal with the headaches of taxes and estate law. Even well meaning relatives screw up the details. If she can find an MD to be her Health Care Proxy, that would just make the picture perfect.

sse - I wish my mother had done that. I am POA and executor. I do not know what is in the will though she has suggested that her money is split between me and my sister. Once she dies. I will see the will and give the job of dealing with it to a professional, as my sister does not trust me. Your mother, as written above, can do what she wants with her money, as can mine. You being POA and executor would not change that.

You have no recourse. Her accountant cannot, by law, share any information with you. It is confidential. If your mother wants to tell you things, she may, but of course she is not required to either.

She has always pulled the strings. And I assume you have always let her. Or you stopped letting her and that is why you are not on best of terms. Either way, she is entitled to do what she wants with her money in her will. She can leave you $100 and leave the rest to establish a posh retirement home for cats who outlive their owners. Her money. Her choice.

If you have been jumping through hoops for years trying to please her in order to "earn" an inheritance, I'm sure it is very disappointing that she doesn't have to honor that bargain. And if you are devastated because the lack of love this implies, I genuinely feel sorry for you -- but this certainly can't be the first clue you've had about that situation.

Accept right now that it is her money. You are not "entitled" to it unless she sees fit to leave it to you. If you accept that now, there will be no surprises coming from the grave.

It is entirely possible, of course, that Mom will need to spend her money on her own needs before she dies. Few people who are not wealthy wind up with an estate to leave to anybody. With care centers costing $3,000 to $12,000 per month, a "good sum of money" doesn't last long.

You have no recourse. Decide what kind of relationship, if any, you want to try to maintain with your mother, on the basis that you might not receive anything from her when she dies.

Oh for heaven's sake! This is NOT ABOUT YOU!!!!! Your mother wants someone she trusts to have her POA and to be her executor. She may have lots of good reasons for this, but apparently she trusts her accountant more than she trusts you to handle her finances. You admit that you two are not on good terms. Does the accountant have a reputation as a shyster, or is s/he someone who has been her accountant for years? Just because you are the only remaining child does not automatically mean your mother trusts you to handle her estate. I am one of eight kids, and my parents chose me as their executor. I may be sorry they did. They told me that because I am a businesswoman they figure I'll be able to figure out handling the estate. They won't give ANYONE Power of Attorney, except medical POA. One day I may have to petition the Court for POA, but for now we are respecting their wishes.