Should I give Mom another chance to see a neurologist or force treatment through court?

I am sorry you're going through this. It's very hard. You should contact the Area Agency on Aging or adult protective services they have a lot of resources for caregivers. My dad is 80 and insists on living alone and my sister and I have done everything we can to change this or move him in with us or find him an AL facility but now we are just waiting for the other shoe to drop so to speak because he hasn't quite lost his mind or been diagnosed with dementia or anything so until something bad happens again I have no way of forcing his hand. we did hire a caregiver that comes in once a week to clean or make meals or take him shopping even though he still drives and insist he's a good driver and refuses to give up the keys. I did read about someone whose parent was in the hospital and when it was time for them to be released the child had to say that they couldn't care for them and there was no one to care for them and so they got moved into a nursing home. Best of luck to you

AND LOTS OF WINE FOR YOU. :)

She wants to rule her roost and is unable to manage. How scary is that? You were self sufficient and independant, and now things aren't just right, and now you need to depend on your family, whom you used to care for....PATIENCE...LOVE... UNDERSTANDING

Perhaps Prozac or other ALZ drugs.... Mom was sort of angry when she lost control of her "life"..... NOw full on ALZ.... It's a tough road and she is fighting for herself that is perhaps a reason she is lashing out at your husband.....

Thanks everyone. It helps to discuss it. We feel so helpless. I spent alot of time today telling her she needs to see a neurologist. Took her to an urgent care office, she said dad put something in her ear & injects her with insulin while she's asleep. She won't listen to me, but I have to try. The Dr. found nothing wrong with her skin, did say she has fluid in her ear, but not an object. She didn't believe him that there's no needle marks on her skin. I'll post next month, see where we are. Onward, fellow caregivers. Courage to us all.

Thanks for the feedback. Sorry to hear that the Dr. is more of a friend than a professional. Maybe, he should retire if he cannot keep better boundaries than that.

Maybe, you could tell your mom that he has retired and take her to another doctor next time? That probably would not work or be a good idea, but changing doctors would.

I hope the magistrate idea would work. If she ever threatens your dad or you think that she is a danger to him or to herself do call 911 and have them pick her up. I"m sure it is heartbreaking for both yourself and your dad to her your mom talk like she is doing. I hope this can get on a better path soon.

She has the delusion that dad is cheating, going out at night. When he gets up to go to the bathroom she says he just got in from the neighbor's house having sex! Perhaps the magistrate idea will work. She has pushed dad more than once & he is old too. Yes her Dr is long term & spineless. He said this is an uphill battle. See ya. More or less. I will look into the Teepa info. Most times I let her vent & say nothing, but it's tough to hear her trash dad who's done nothing.

So, your mother refuses to go to a neurologist and lies to the doctor. I think that either your dad, yourself or both have one drastic and possibly final option. You can go before the local magistrate and request a judgement based on the facts that you can present that she needs for her own protection to be involuntarily admitted to a psych ward to be evaluated. I think after 24 hours that she can possibly sign herself out, but that might not be so easy once they evaluate how her mind is working. I know this is drastic but I've known parents to do this for their adult children with a mental illness who have become totally out of control.

Have you watched any Teepa Snow videos on dealing with Dementia patients? It's so very hard not to argue with delusions. One person on this board manages her elderly cousin with dementia who is deluded about caregivers wishing her ill responds with "I talked to the adminstration, they'll take care of it". Can you come up with a simple response like that? that you'll call the authorities, or in some manner speak to someone in charge to fix what she thinks is wrong?

If the doctor suspects dementia in his professional judgement, then why is he so spineless to diagnose her as such. Is he or she a long term family doctor who has become more a friend of the family than an objective professional. Unfortunately that does happen with some doctors and patients over time.

Sounds like she's not in her right mind wanting a divorce from your dad. On what grounds? She's the one treating him terribly? Sounds like her thinking has somehow gotten warped into thinking if she divorces your dad then she thinks she can continue to live in denial of her true condition.

I am sorry that she has not given and won't give you POA because you don't believe her. That is an example of a deluded mind right there which is likely not competent to even give you or her husband a POA. i does not sounds like she will be manageable to live with ya'll long term. I think it might be possible to get some input from adult protective services. I would at least reach out to them for everyone's sake.

Her Dr suspects dementia but she won't consent or acknowledge she has a problem. I have talked to her Dr. privately & dad has as well. No, she won't give me POA because I don't "believe" her on her delusions. She won't see a neurologist because her mind is "fine". She wants a divorce after 58 yrs of marriage. I'm not comfortable with her on her own, & not sure if she will live long term with us. I guess I am still stuck. I can't stand how she treats dad. Guess we will just take it day by day.

Unless she is diagnosed as incompetent by a doctor, I don't see how you are going to be able to force treatment through a court.

Do you or your dad have medical POA for your mom? Have either spoken to her doctor or neurologist in private about her behavior? I always did that concerning my mother because I knew she would put on a good show. Most parents with dementia do.