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JunieBJones Asked January 2015

Mom with Alzheimer's sometimes thinks she has another daughter who does things for/with her when it's actually me. Need advice.

She seems to recognize me (most of the time) when I'm with her, but then she calls to tell me things this "other girl" is doing. She implies in the phone calls that she doesn't completely trust this other girl who is "acting like her daughter". I've been concerned, but expected behavior like this as her disease progresses.

What scares me is that she recently said this new person coming around is a daughter she gave up for adoption when she was 19. I just found out she did in fact give up a child at 19, 6 years before I was born. My dad doesn't know about this other child, so he thinks she's just confused about me, but I now understand the problem on a different level. Obviously, this is not something we have ever discussed in my family.

I'm not sure how to handle this. I feel like I need to talk to the doctor about her having delusions, but I'm not sure what to do about the "other daughter" situation. I can't imagine telling my dad that she gave up a child years ago (not his) - I don't feel like that's my place, but I'm scared I'm hurting everyone even more by not telling him.

Thanks for any help you can provide.

bee1998 Jan 2015
I like babalou's advice. It could be important for your mom to get this off her chest and to be comforted as much as possible. This is quite stressful for you as well.

freqflyer Jan 2015
No need to rock the boat, best to keep quiet, but I can understand how difficult it would be to keep such a secret. Are you curious as to where is this newly found information about a half-sister?

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BarbBrooklyn Jan 2015
In your shoes, I would contact the doctor who is treating her dementia and explain this all too common family secret, indicating of course that you're fairly certain that dad has no knowledge. I think that it makes it more of a confabulate on than a delusion, which may or may not be important diagnostically. Your poor mom, carrying this secret around for all these years! Did you find this "secret" out from another family member? Is it actually possible Dad does know?

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