My Dad has had 7 operations on his hip. This is a recurring theme with his hip injuries. I feel that he is being neglected. Any advice?

Sudacroo: You are very upset. This is obviously not your mom who is taking care of dad...Get over that fact. What needs to be done in your mind? Dad needs care...

You will have issues anywhere you go, slipper slide of life....nobody is perfect, but you will need to find a better solution for you and your dad... Good luck, everyone has their opinion, so read on and think about it.

Sudarcook, do you think that she's trying to kill him? ( based on your comment about killing off an elderly spouse). If you suspect that she's trying to kill him, that's an entirely different question.

Most Eldercare attorneys will provide a 30 minute free consultation. Perhaps you should bring your suspicions to one, along with documentation. You would still need to show, I believe, that an MD and/ or PT has stated that your father's ambulatory must be supervised and that his wife is leaving him unsupervised willfully.

sudacrook;; it helps people vent... You are allowed to absorb take in ideas or move on to the next answer. . I could be criminal, or his wife has dementia too, and is not physically or mentally capable to handle your dad's situation.. Time to step in and mill around a bit to help your dad and his wife find a solution. It's time to tell dad he is not capable to handle jobs like that and to stop. Do you go to doctor appts with them? Do they ask you? suggest you drive them next time and bring these issues up. How old are they? We took mom's license away at 80. MOved my aunt 1/2 mile away from me, and MIL just stroked and is in driving distance to us now. Family within 2 mile radius of us...They all are 6 packs 24/7 care, never alone

ON top of that, does he have arthritis in his knees? Kness buckling under him? This is happening to my MIL. Oh how fun it is... Sorry.. I'm getting a little frustrated, with my geriatrics.... Welcom,, this is a great site to read and vent.

It gets harder every time that person falls. He obviously is weak and cannot stand for any period of time alone... Get him in a care facility...6 pack, bored and care.... any place with 24 hour care. Physcial therapy to diagnose why he is falling? How is his eye site? Is he using the walker as he is supposed to? Does he have the mental capacity to use a walker? My mother didn't,, and neither does my aunt without supervision.

You have not answered any of our queries for additional information, which would get you an actual answer to your question about neglect.

1. Has an MD ordered that your father be supervised 24/7?

2. Has an M D said that your father may not walk without supervision ?

3. Is your father compliant with what his doctor orders ?

This site does not render legal opinions. We are caregivers, not lawyers.

I'm so sorry that you don't find this approach of asking for more information useful. I wish you and your father well.

I mean, what kind of a site is this? Not a one of you have provided me with a helpful answer, yet you all have decided that your answers are helpful. My god, how we have destroyed trust and confidence in this country. Good luck to you all.

Do your father's doctors

What level of supervision do your father's doctor say is necessary? THAT would factor into a finding of neglect, not lay opinion.

I asked a simple question about neglect of a person resulting in falls and multiple hip operations to correct the damage. The falls and 7 operations -- yes 7 additional operations -- were the result of my father being left to fend for himself by his wife AFTER months of facility based rehab (over a year's worth in the last 3 yrs) where he DID NOT FALL. Your response has virtually nothing to do with my question and looks like you have no training in this area. Clearly you and freqflyer have an agenda. Unfortunate for any who are looking for legitimate help here. Perhaps you need to review the definition of neglect.

sudarcook, I re-read your original post. What, exactly, is your question for us? What would you like help with?

Sudarcook, let me ask you, is your Dad complaining that he is being left alone? If not, and since he appears to be in clear mind, then it is his choice.

Sorry we aren't agreeing with your postings.... this is what forums are all about, give and take.

So, clearly this is not you Mom who is married to your Dad. You are worried about his well being and you feel she should be taking better care of him.

What is their understanding of what level of care he needs? Does he accede to her care? Does he listen when she tells him to use whatever assistive devices he's been told to use?

Does he have a walker? Did he go to rehab to get back his strength after the surgery?

What are his doctor's recommendations for his care does he need 24/7 supervision? That can best be provided in a facility with three shifts of caregivers.

If you're positive it's neglect, why don't you contact the local authorities (Area Agency on Aging) or an attorney to report the situation? Or bring your father to live with you? Or get him into Assisted Living? Or file for guardianship?

We're just caregivers, not attorneys or doctors. I'm not sure what kind of answer you're expecting here. We're giving opinions and asking for clarification, which is what thoughtful, caring people on this site do.

sudarcook, freqflyer and I have both been hands-on caregivers for the elderly. You haven't filled out your profile so I can't tell what your experience level is. My husband fell in the hospital, with an aide in the room with him. He fell many, many times when he was with me. If we were lucky I could break his fall and cushion the landing. My mother fell when she lived alone, and she fell in the nursing home.

We just don't have enough information here to have a clear picture. Was Dad supposed to go to rehab after his surgery? Did he? Did he continue PT at home? Does he have any dementia? Are there other reasons that he shouldn't be left alone? Being 85 is not reason enough that he needs watching, although his circumstances might be. My aunt went to an ALF last month. Up until then she was living alone, with frequent visits from her daughter. She has had, over the years, both hips and both knees replaced. She will be 100 years old next month.

What would you like to see happen? Let's say his wife is found to be criminally neglectful. Say she is now out of the picture. What would you like for your Dad's care? Is that also what he would want?

More information might get you more helpful advice.

Clearly this site is a waste of time. If leaving an impaired spouse to fend for themselves is not neglect, I don't know what is. I don't know who you people are, but you're responses are suspect. If you were legit you would understand what it means to have 7 hip operations in 3 years and the assistance required; the falling is the result of neglect. In point of fact, he has spend months in rehab facilities after each incident, yet once he is under his wife's "care" he falls yet again (never at the rehab facilities). Please, if you have no expertise don't waste my time with a response.

Falling is not a sign of neglect.

Possibly leaving him alone is neglect. Has a doctor order 24-hour monitoring for him? Besides his hip, what are his impairments?

It sounds like she left him and then returned after his disability? Is it likely that she prefers separation? Were they considering divorce?

Does he want her to be his caregiver? Are his other infirmities such that he should be in a care center? If the care he is getting is not sufficient, what about hiring in-home care?

If you really think he is being criminally neglected I suppose you could ask the APS to check on him, but if he is satisfied with the situation I don't know where that would lead. I guess all we can tell you is that falling is not evidence of neglect, so consider carefully what other ways neglect is evident.

Seems like an unhelpful answer here. This man has fallen multiple times because he is left to fend for himself at 85. You really think caretakers would let a person who has had 7 operations on his hip -- because of falls taken when no one was there to assist while he was recuperating -- is a legit answer?

You could have a room full of doctors, nurses, techs and orderlies, and an elder would still find a way to fall.