I agree with others it is on a case by case basis. In general, the easiest thing is to go along if minimizes anxiety and confusion.. One day my mother was sitting in her chair in the living room, but thought she was in the middle of a lake and got panicked. I had to to calm her and show her she was really in her chair. That's an extreme example, but really it is situational. We family caregivers get overwhelmed by this extreme disease and are looking for answers on strategies, but too much of it is try to calm, safe, clean, routine, but then unfortunately play it by ear after that.
Chris3265, is there any harm to anyone as the result of what Mom "remembers"? Sometimes a false memory can cause a lot of heartache, and if there is danger of that it would not be good to simply go along with it. But most of the time an invented memory or a delusion doesn't really matter in the scheme of things, and then it is easiest to just go along with it.
My Mother who is in a nursing home believes she lives above a mall and when I tell her she is in a nursing home she insists it isn't true. I used to correct her about things like that but as long as her beliefs are not putting her or anyone else in any kind of danger I guess its okay to let her keep on thinking them.
Not sure if your situation is similar to mine, but my mother who has dementia "remembers" a whole lot of stuff that never happened. Once she gets a notion into her head, it is virtually impossible to get it out. For most things I just kind of go "um hmm," and ignore it, but at times it's things she SWEARS I did, or that were done TO me. These "memories" are absolute FICTION and it drives me NUTS that she keeps telling these lies over and over and over again. The best I can do these days is just to say, "Mom, that never happened and you know it." over and over and over. I try to be calm when I say it. I remember the first few times she told these stories I would argue with her, but that just made her dig in her heels and become more determined that these things DID happen and she ISN'T wrong and she ISN'T CRAZY!!!!! Her biggest fear is that we will have her locked up because she is crazy. We've even explained that she isn't crazy, she just has a tendency to remember stuff that never happened.
If you're sure it's dementia, I would pick and choose depending on her progression. In the beginning, there are things that my cousin would recall. Other things she would not, so I had to be careful not to go along with something and it be the one thing she did recall the next day.
For example, I would not promise to take her to the grocery store the next day just because she wanted me to, because in the early stages, she might recall that the next day and say that I promised to take her and I didn't want her to feel I was lying to her. I would explain that we would go later, but no definite time.
Eventually, she progressed to have no memory of anything more than a few minutes ago, so it's not an issue now. She's in Memory Care, but I go along with just about anything she says, since she won't recall and there is no harm in it.
I just try to make her happy in the moment. And if she thinks her doctor sleeps on a couch in her lobby, then I smile and say that's nice. If she says her deceased father gave her a wheelchair, I say that's nice. I go along with anything really, because she can't accept anything different. There is no point to it.
As your mom progresses, you'll see how some things are futile and trying to correct someone with dementia isn't productive.
Depends on what it is! My mom thought her grandchildren were hiding under the table and that the cat kept climbing on the furniture. Her grandchildren are grown and she doesn't have pets. When I corrected her to start with, she became agitated so I just "made" the kids get out from under the table and opened the back door to let the "cats" out. We determined it was her medication (that she had been on for YEARS) and once we took her off of it, she became "normal" again (man I hate the word normal!).
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Me: Who do you think is bringing your newspaper to the front door?
Dad: It's the fellow who walked 3 small dogs. Yesterday he only had 2 dogs so he must have given one away.
Me: Why would he give away one of his dogs? [I knew who Dad was talking about, the fellow has 3 tiny Chihuahuas].
Dad: Someone probably wanted the dog.
Me: Dad, maybe that dog is older and unable to go out in such cold weather.
The conversation went on and on. I should have let it go :P
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For example, I would not promise to take her to the grocery store the next day just because she wanted me to, because in the early stages, she might recall that the next day and say that I promised to take her and I didn't want her to feel I was lying to her. I would explain that we would go later, but no definite time.
Eventually, she progressed to have no memory of anything more than a few minutes ago, so it's not an issue now. She's in Memory Care, but I go along with just about anything she says, since she won't recall and there is no harm in it.
I just try to make her happy in the moment. And if she thinks her doctor sleeps on a couch in her lobby, then I smile and say that's nice. If she says her deceased father gave her a wheelchair, I say that's nice. I go along with anything really, because she can't accept anything different. There is no point to it.
As your mom progresses, you'll see how some things are futile and trying to correct someone with dementia isn't productive.