Dealing with mum. Everything I do is wrong. Advice?

when mum calls me darling i think she thinks i am dad,mum is grieving and so am i she is telling everyone she sees that dad is gone she is very strong at telling other people what to do

So when she calls you darling, are you concerned that she's mistaking you for your dad? Sounds like she needs a good doctor's visit to see if she has dementia, like Pam suggests.

If that comes back negative, then you need to work on protecting yourself, since your mom is short with others too and it's just not you. Protect yourself by having plenty of alone time, away from her. Get out with friends and do what you like to do, so that you can recharge your batteries in order to have the strength to deal with her.

I may be way off base here, but 3 months isn't very long for her to be finished grieving, either. She may be snapping at you just as a reaction to widowhood.

She can probably be helped with an antidepressant or with grief counseling. Encourage her to see her doctor.

Smitty get her medicated before the senior center gives her the boot. Anxiety and mood swings were the starting point for our mom's dementia. Talk to her MD about her public nastiness. If he says he can't tell you anything, fine, that doesn't mean he can't listen to your concerns.

i am living with her because i am carer for her and it is cheap lol yes i do work my dad passed 3 months ago we have lived in the same house yes i am the only child mum does going to senior citizens she is snaps at them as well i have been there and call them names etc she is very controlling over me and she calls me darling which is a worry

Smithy, sounds like the household has reverted back to *Mother-Child* dynamics, like you are once again a child in your Mum's eyes.

Also, your Mum needs to be around people of her own generation as it is a lot easier to talk to someone your own age than someone a lot younger. Sounds like snipping at you is her way of getting a conversation started. Younger people are so buried in their social media, even I don't understand it.

Are there any senior centers that are near by, or would she not want to do that?

Why are you living with her, Smithy? Are you providing caregiving for her? Do you need a place to live? Do you work? Have you been living with her the 3 years since Dad died, or how long has it been? Where did you live before that? Are you an only child?

I am sorry for all the questions and no answers, but knowing the situation a little better will help us provide more meaningful feedback.

You situation -- living with a parent who is demanding and not respectful -- is unfortunately fairly common so I think you'll get lots of responses. Please give us a little more information.