My husband and I are trying to convince my Mom (89) to come and live with us. Any advice?
We can take care of her as she is getting older. She is presently living alone with assistance but we think it is not enough. She may consider help as a sign of aging.
My mom is 95 and lives in an independent living apartment (with a LOT of help from me). She can be as active as she wants to be in all kinds of events and outings, or as solitary as she wants. At this point, she wants to be more solitary. But she's got a nice little apartment with her own bathroom, living room, and bedroom. She has a fridge, microwave and 2-burner stove. She wears a pendant in case she falls. I have girls coming in twice a day to give her her meds. Otherwise, she's able to be on her own, but with lots of help nearby.
Definitely check out either assisted living or independent living for your mom. She can be around others her age and you can still have your own lives too.
Gretta, if I were your mother's age, I think I rather be around a group of people from my own age group to talk about the Big Band era, Frank Sinatra, life in that era, clothing, beauty tips, gossip, etc.
Of course, people of your mother's generation don't want to be in a retirement home because of all the bad things they heard about these places many decades ago. And all the myths. Take her for a lunch at one of the finer places so she can see for herself what is being offered. You never know, you might bump into a friend from the past who lives there :)
My parents [in their 90's] still live at home alone... my Dad's biggest gripe is that he is soooo bored and he never gets out of the house. I keep reminding him of that grand retirement village over in the next town where he would be so busy he wouldn't know what to do next, and where they offer transportation so he can Mom and shop whenever they want, instead of waiting for my schedule to open up.... [sigh]
Can you hire more caregivers to cover 24/7 if she needs them. Does she really need a nursing home at this point or can she go to assisted living?
One option you may want to look into, but only if a doctor has found her to be incompetent is to file for guardianship and that costs a lot.
Are you her medical and durable POA? How is she doing in handling her finances.
Do you have any siblings who can come together for a family meeting and make some plans about taking care of mom? I'm speaking of just the siblings getting together at first to create such a plan.
EEEK! Talk to some folks who have done this. Oh, your heart is overflowing with mothering instinct, but you are no Spring Chicken. Do you think you could keep up with a moody toddler? Probably not. Well, that is what you are jumping into. Are you ready to have her take over your kitchen? Your TV? Are you willing to give up all your social life and stay home 24/7? You want to be demoted to Obedient Daughter status? Please read the posts here of people who have done this and it did not work.
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Definitely check out either assisted living or independent living for your mom. She can be around others her age and you can still have your own lives too.
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What sorts of assistance does she need? What are her diagnoses?
Of course, people of your mother's generation don't want to be in a retirement home because of all the bad things they heard about these places many decades ago. And all the myths. Take her for a lunch at one of the finer places so she can see for herself what is being offered. You never know, you might bump into a friend from the past who lives there :)
My parents [in their 90's] still live at home alone... my Dad's biggest gripe is that he is soooo bored and he never gets out of the house. I keep reminding him of that grand retirement village over in the next town where he would be so busy he wouldn't know what to do next, and where they offer transportation so he can Mom and shop whenever they want, instead of waiting for my schedule to open up.... [sigh]
One option you may want to look into, but only if a doctor has found her to be incompetent is to file for guardianship and that costs a lot.
Are you her medical and durable POA? How is she doing in handling her finances.
Do you have any siblings who can come together for a family meeting and make some plans about taking care of mom? I'm speaking of just the siblings getting together at first to create such a plan.
Find some other options.