How do we deal with Mom obsessive delusion that my brother who lives with her is her (cheating)husband?

Thank you everyone. I called last night to report the water main break and it worked! Today we are going with that they our house sitting for somebody who is away. It is so helpful to have people's advise, sometimes you just can't think of anything useful, lol.

It is hard to navigate the nightmare, Sibling3. If it is what you all want, I hope you will be able to keep Mom in her own home. Please don't feel bound by a promise made without knowing what the future holds. If a care center would at some point be best, be open to that possibility.

Many care centers that don't accept Medicaid for new residents will after a certain period of private-pay. Don't totally discount the possibility of affording good care. I am not urging you to place your mother, just to be open to all options as her dementia progresses.

And about cost, the reason Medicaid and other programs don't provide 24/7 care in the home is that it is more expensive to do so that to use a care center when the need is at that level. Be certain you are including all the costs -- food, taxes, home maintenance, as well as caregivers, when comparing the costs of keeping Mom at home to using a care center.

We are in the process of bringing in a round the clock caregiver, but I have serious doubts if it will help. I hope I didn't give the impression that she is driving a car, she has not done that in years. We are trying medications per geriatric specialist, Babalou. She is estimated to have about five years left and there is not enough money for quality memory care, Pam. In addition we are trying to honor our promise of keeping her at home, especially my brother. It is so hard to navigate this nightmare.

Obsessive delusions are h*ll on wheels. Even benign ones are challenging. My friend's father was certain he had just been elected the governor of North Dakota. This was all fun and games until he insisted on being taken to the train station so he could go give his inaugural speech. Sigh. He was being treated by one of the most renown dementia researchers/doctors at the Mayo Clinic. Nobody had any cure for these delusions.

Getting another doctor involved might not be a bad idea, but I don't hold out a lot of hope.

Perhaps moving her environment back in time, and soothing her, and going along with her, and never arguing with her, and the simple passage of time to a different dementia phase will help. Saying, "Oh, I really wish I could take you home now, but the entire block has been evacuated because a broken main. We'll have to make the most of it here for a while. Let's have some ice cream." or "I would never, ever cheat on you. I love you and respect you. I am very sorry something happened to make you think otherwise." or "Dad loved you very much and respected you. He and I talked once and I know he didn't cheat on you." No arguments about "you are home" or "I am your son, not your husband."

This is distressing for all concerned. I hope you and your brother each have the encouragement of a local caregivers support group. If necessary consider counseling for yourselves, to help you understand this. I doubt counseling will help Mom, but possible some drug will be somewhat helpful.

This may be the straw that breaks the camel's back. It may be necessary to consider care center placement for her. That will not stop the behavior. (My friend's father was in assisted living when he was "governor".) But it spreads the burden of dealing with this onto additional shoulders. Of course she will still be your Mom and it will still be a factor in your relationships.

If you do fine anything that helps, any partial solutions to this, please share. It is a topic many people confront, and we learn from each other.

Memory care ASAP before she hurts someone, including herself.

Get her to a geriatric psychiatrist.?