What can I do to help my mother-in-law who doesn't want it?

Anger is the universal response of a hoarder when their "things" are threatened. I know because I live with one. His dementia solved that problem for me but I think another set of eyes on your MIL is the best you can do at this point. You have my sympathy.

Adult Protective Services through you local state homecare agency is the best action. They can determine how bad the situation is and provide help!

I agree about there is no reasoning with someone that is mentally ill. It's like trying to discuss the economy with a 2 year old. You just can't do it. Plus, if they don't see that anything is wrong then why should things change. Bring someone else in from the outside to be the bad guy. That way she won't feel threatened by you or the family. It's scary for us as caregivers not knowing what's going to happen. Then after the fact and it's taken care of it's such a relief. It's the thinking about it so much and worrying about how they are going to react that we end up not doing it. then either it makes you and family sick or worse estranged OR your loved one gets ill or worse. Take the step and make the call. It could be that siblings are waiting for someone else to do it. Good Luck

Wanttohelp, I think it's wonderful that you want to help your MIL. It sounds like she is in a very bad state. Rest assured, anyone can call Adult Protective Services (or whatever such services are termed in your state) about an elderly person who is neglecting their own needs or that you suspect is being abused or taken advantage of by someone else. In my case, my siblings and I were all nervous about calling APS for our dad, and it ended up that a stranger called them when my dad went in to conduct business at his establishment and he saw how confused and disheveled he was. APS has visited him several times, and though the situation hasn't risen to one of immediate threat to health and safety, I'm sure if it got to that point, or we needed him to step in, the representative would follow through on it. Having APS involved has given the family a safety valve for a situation that we thought was impossible. I hope things work out for your MIL!

I agree that you will not be able to reason with her. Try to convince your husband to call social services or have her evaluated by a mental health provider.

So she gets mad. Call aps. She's mentally ill, no reasoning with her, don't try.

If you feel it is an unsafe environment I see no reason why you can't make the call.

Why? The sons are the ones to call the health department, not you. All you can do is encourage your husband to see she has a mental illness and to seek professional help, otherwise her filthy house will cause more illnesses.

No. Before his dad passed away his brother had pamplets sent to their house that gave them info on housing, kinds of help available,etc. But the moms name was not on the info and she actually was mad about it.

Is your husband helping her?

You call Social Services. They will check on her welfare, and if she needs to be moved to a safer, cleaner place, they will get a court order to move her.