I'm a caregiver to my Dad (81). I get frustrated with him doing things that I ask him not to for his safety. What's a good tip?

We all need to remember that if someone has serious memory issues, you cannot reason with that person. Once someone becomes a danger to themselves and others in the household, it is time for a continuing care facility.

Same issues here, with my SIL, hepatic ensepolpathy from cirrhosis among many other issues. kind of mimics dementia. I'm so tired of telling her do this do that, no you can't take a shower by yourself, no you can't be up at 3 am trying to cook, no you can't eat the whole cake with your hands out of the box at 2 am. It's like a surly 3 year old. No you can't walk without your walker....all day every day. Then there's her little dogs she knocks down baby gate and let's them out. Tryed to put a big lazy boy to block one of her doors to her room so she couldn't get out in middle of night, she dragged it out of way, mind you, she can barely hold her cup or spoon. And she's only 53. I've had to get up 4x writing this post to stop her from messing with the burners and letting dogs out. She's on hospice but she's better. We've been taking care of her almost 4 years, but this last 2 mo have been horrid. She almost died Christmas eve, I was a full time student and I had finals, we moved, and she was in hospital all in dec. dec 30 we brought her home on hospice, but now she's better psycally and so much worse mentally. Seeing stuff not there. It's very hard trying to talk to her like an adult when she behaves like a toddler

I think you are feeling the same way all of us at some point feel. I don't think you're facing something different or new -- and hear this loud and clear: your feelings are ALL valid. It is exhausting. It can sometimes be irritating and frustrating. And then it gets to the point where you really cannot do it alone any more, and have to reach out for help. It sounds like you are at or close to that point. I wish I had reached out when I got to that point; it would have saved me a lot of pain from the guilt that comes along with that feeling of falling short, and wanting "out". Unfortunately, there is no easy way out, once you get sucked in. The disrespect is familar territory as well, and that will only get worse and his condition deteriorates. You need to be prepared for it and have a smart answer, but don't need to mean about it. You probably could manage him for a while longer at home, if you keep the caregiver on, at least part-time, after your planned respite. And then take a vacation of at least a few days, every other month. My other advice would be to make sure you unload some of the routine responsibilities onto other family or household members. Do not accept the "I have a job, so I can't help" baloney. Everyone in the house needs to pitch in when you're trying to care for someone at home. This includes the children.
I am so burned out from doing this because I didn't reach out for help and advice from other caregivers earlier, and got no help and didn't insist on it from others, when I should have. I thought I could handle it all. I have had no respite in over 4 years. It's insane for us to think we can do this at home alone and it doesn't work well very often, from everything I've heard and read. If there's any dysfunction in the family or extended family, don't even try it - it's guaranteed to be a disaster. Most of our parents really would be better off in assisted living for just the obvious medical reasons. And being around other people in similar circumstances and age, would probably be happier with the more appropriate social contact they'd be having. Mom thought she'd be happier at home, and it's been awful for her and me. Neither of us has any measure of happiness. But no one in the family wants to admit their mistakes, except me, but I'm the one stuck with all the work, so unless I run off, I don't see anything changing until mom goes, and who knows what will be left of me by then. Caregiving does change you, and not always in good ways.

Tell him that if he falls down, you will NOT pick him up. You will give him a blanket and a pillow and just step over him. Repeat something you hear years ago, such as "If you fall and break your neck, don't come crying to me." Oh, yes, rewind those inner mental tapes and play them for him.