I hope you are feeling better by now, feeling that way makes our caregiving job harder than it already is. I don't have any tips or advice to add, just wanted to wish you well.
All of the suggestions are great. Take some time for yourself and try not to feel guilty about it. Go back to something that you once enjoyed and break free for a couple of days. I struggle with this all the time. I live where we get cold winter and lack of sunshine is wearing on me. Today it is 20 degrees with a winchill of 12. I am so ready for summer. Warm and sunshine. Taking care of a parent is very exhausting. I have two children and it doesn't even compare to my one parent that is ill. My mom is narcisstic on top of having some dementia issues. She expects me and everyone else to be at her beck and call. She moved in AL a year ago and I hear about it constantly. About how she hates it there and how I put her there, blah blah. I am an only child so I wouldn't know what it was like to have anyone to help me. Try not figure out why your brother doesn't help. I used to think it was terrible when children didn't help out with their parents, now that I am in those shoes, I totally understand. I can see why some walk away. I do not have the courage or the conscience for that, but I sure wish I did. I sometimes commend those folks that can stay away. He probably has his own issues with your mom that you don't even know about. Think how you are feeling being the sole caregiver. Think how it is wearing on you... (I know this first hand). Could your brother handle that? Probably not. If it is possible to hire someone to come help, please do it for yourself. I am so glad I finally took some steps to free me up. Even though I am very busy working and still raising my family (I have two at home--even though one is at college, she still comes home on the weekends), I can find a few mintues here and there to calm my nerves. It was a long time coming, it didn't just happen over night. Good luck and hang in there. You will find what works best for you!
I was very depressed after having to place my Mom into a nursing home. The guilt just ate away at me even though I knew it was for the best. Try to surround yourself with supportive people. If you don't have those even going on this website can help. The support I've received here has been invaluable. Just knowing that there are others who have been there and are dealing with the same issues.
Also, vitamins, nutrition and exercise is very important. As someone else said, prayer. If you are not a person of faith try meditation. Good Luck!!!
I am the only caregiver for my mother. I have stopped trying to get my three siblings to help since this just creates more stress for me. Once I accepted the fact that they were not going to help I can think clearer on how to manage the situation. I agree with the others that it is important to take care of yourself during this time with the proper nutrition like eating healthy and taking Vitamin D, if your levels are low and fish oil, this helps with mood. I also find taking a good walk to be helpful. Whatever exercise you can do will help a lot.
Lucysmom you ARE a superwoman. Assign the errant child to dig up the oil leak and have the EPA supervise the dig. Oh, sorry, but it does sound like fun, doesn't it.?
The vitamin D issue is interesting, especially for those of us that live in gloomy climates this time of year. I have a small Verilux happy light on my desk that I turn on first thing in the morning. I know many of us have situational depression that is caused by the circumstances we now find ourselves in and the daily problems we face as caregivers. Despite this I do find myself feeling a bit better on rare days where the sun shines, so getting some light and some vitamin D is important no matter what. I have also read that fish oil helps with depression. We can't change the place we are in, but we can try to feel better with supplements, getting some light, and taking things one day at a time. To me this compartmentalizing is important and I couldn't go through this without just taking this one day at a time....
Sorry, my computer got away from me! I get depressed, yes, but I look around me and there are people so much worse off than I am. If you think you need some professional help, talk to your doctor. Maybe you can get some medication, or even some help to help to deal with your situation. The one thing I've learned from all this is that every day is different. The only constant is change.
The way I look at my situation is this. I'm an only child with 3 sons who I am estranged from. In fact, the youngest had my then 92 yr old dad sign papers to use his home as collateral on a $100,000 mortgage. Working with a lawyer on this now. The home also has a fuel oil leak on the property. I'm working on that now too. I'm all dad has and I realize that. As a problem arises, I try and tackle it.Am I trying to say I'm Superwoman?
Check with your local agency on aging about services your Mom might be eligible for. Have her doctor send in home provider to do an evaluation for assistance there. It may be time for assisted living or nh. We all have our limits and do have to take care of ourselves first. Get yourself to the doctor.
Believe it or not vitamin D is very important i have boughs of depression due to my mothers alzheimers, i take lexapro to help but i also have def in vitamins and D is one of them i take 50,000 ius per week prescribed by the doc, i told him how depressed i was the other day and that was the first question he ask is when was the last time you took your vitamin D. I'm following your post sounds like were in about the same boat so wishing you luck this is so hard and heart breaking
Vitamin D insufficiency affects the majority of adults in North America, you can have your levels tested at your doctor's. I take 1, 000 mg almost every day, I feel worse if I miss a day. Also if you go to doctor for blood work, have your thyroid levels tested--could be some problems there, cause tiredness and depression/anxiety. If you feel really depressed please call someone, even a local church, or suicide hotline, please know that others have felt like you feel, and we are all concerned for you--hope you will post an update, I will be looking for your next post! Takecare!
If you are in a Northern climate, you could be depressed by a lack of sunshine. It's your own little version of sundowning. You need sunshine or a SAD light. You decide which one. I go to a tanning place twice a week for ten minutes and sit under the bright lights. I'm hoping it will convert my cholesterol to vitamin D3. If not, at least I feel warmer.
I take care of my elderly mother who has Dementia and other serious illnesses and is almost 90. My brother doesn't help either....he never calls, never visits, never shows any type of kindly support or compassion....just thinks it is my duty when I took on the job 10 years ago. I probably won't hear from him again until the funeral....and then he will probably only come out of family obligation maybe. I will need help financially to bury my mother when the time comes and he is very wealthy but would never pitch in any money even for his own mother. Further, I am depressed too and have major anxiety over all of this. I cry often. The only advice I can offer is if you are a Christian, find a prayer group of people you can bond with. If that is not possible, go to a caregivers support group to meet and talk to others who are in the same boat. If you are severely depressed like me, find yourself a good psychiatrist and get on some medication to help you through this very challenging time. If you can afford it, look up your city human services and ask for the number or information on getting some respite help for yourself. It is fairly affordable and you know your parents will be safe while you go out and get a few hours of peace. God bless and good luck.
We need more information, nothappy11. What are the health issues with your parents? Do they live with you or you with them? Are you on your own? Do you work outside of the home or care 24/7 for your parents hands-on? Does your brother work outside of the home? Does he live nearby? Is he on his own or has a family w/children?
16 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
ADVERTISEMENT
Also, vitamins, nutrition and exercise is very important. As someone else said, prayer. If you are not a person of faith try meditation. Good Luck!!!