My Dad has dementia and is giving money to a woman. What can I do?

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VickiJo Asked February 2015

My Dad has dementia and is giving money to a woman. What can I do?

I have POA and Medical POA. I have control of his check book but now he wants to sell his car to this woman's son whom I know has no money. He argues with me about taking the title. He hocked his car to get her $4000. to build her a deck. We just now paid off his loan. He said he gave her money to buy new eye glasses. She said he didn't. His money went somewhere and she's the only one who takes him anywhere besides myself. So she's lying to me. She told me she had insurance so why would she need his money. Now hes getting irritated at me cause I wont give him the title. Its worth more than what hes gonna ask for it. I afraid we will need the money to take care of him later. Why should I let him give it to a woman who only takes him to church twice a month.? She never calls him and seldom answers the phone when he calls her. He was worried about her one time recently and started to walk to her house. My son happened to see him and picked him up. Im afraid he'll try that again if she don't answer his calls.

Alzheimer's & Dementia

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score 0 · Answer 1

Vicky, that lady was no friend. Hopefully, you scared her off for good.

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score 0 · Answer 2

The car is gone. She knows I'm in charge now so she hasn't asked for money. But I'm sad for dad cause he has no friends.

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score 0 · Answer 3

Sorry for this trouble, VickiJo, I agree with freqflyer, get rid of the car. Anyone who drives him should have their own insured vehicle, period. I would confront her and tell her to back off! Let her know you're on to her and you will report her to Elder Abuse. Then do it.

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score 0 · Answer 4

As far as I know no one from his church has even called to check on him or visit him. Well he sold the car and I got tired of arguing with him about the money. I let him have it. $1000. It did last him about 2 months.
Her and her son would just drop by and pick him up and take dad with them to go eat. Dad would pay for everyone's dinner. He finally got tired of doing that so he called her and told her he's not gonna pay for her sons and grandkids and whomever else she dragged along. He told her he'd gladly pay for her but he said she always talked to her son and didn't visit with her. Now he don't speak to her. Guess she got mad. She liked having someone buying lunch all the time. He seems ok with it now but has become more demanding with me. Lol. Which is fine. I'll take care of him as long as I can.

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score 0 · Answer 5

He should only have enough money to buy her lunch. That is payment enough for her taking him to church ( what does the pastor say about it, by the way?)
Sell the car and get some money for it. He will get over it, in time.

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score 0 · Answer 6

My husband age 70, long term Parkinson's, a while back got sweet talked by a neighbor - young blonde, junkie actually, while I was out of town helping an elderly relative. I returned in time to see he had written a check to pay her overdue electric bill, etc. as well as various chatty phone texts. I texted her back and pointed out that he had Parkinson's and to leave him alone as it could be interpreted as elder abuse if the police got involved. Not sure if I had a leg to stand on but she backed off and I keep better tabs on finances now!

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score 2 · Answer 7

Report her to the local police, I am willing to bet she is a serial scammer.

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score 0 · Answer 8

Dads license were taken away so he doesn't frive anymore. He use to be the one taking her to church. Now that he can't drive she picks him up. I've offered to take him to church or set up for church bus to pick him up. He won't have it. He likes going out to eat with her after church. also paying for her dinner. They don't see each other at all during the week.

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score 0 · Answer 9

Vicki, after re-reading your post one thing puzzles me when you said "She never calls him and seldom answers the phone when he calls her".... how do they set up time to get together? Or is church day a standing appointment?

Maybe he is losing money elsewhere [ie: card game, casino, horse racing, or hiding it somewhere, remember he has dementia] and telling you he is giving this money to this woman.

As jeannegibbs had mentioned above, ask your Dad if you could drive him to church, and see what his answer is..... if he starts making excuses, maybe he's not really been going to church.

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score 0 · Answer 10

This female could be one of the predators who specialize in ripping off the elderly. Depends on how far you want to take it. Perform an online search to see who/what she is. Ask a PI to look into her situation and see how many senior men she has on the hook. Ask the attorney that set up the POA for suggestions. Check with the police department's fraud unit on steps you can take. Ask the bank what you can do as well. This is a tough situation and one many of us cope with.

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score 1 · Answer 11

Tough one, VickiJo! Is Dad incompetent to make his own decisions? What would his doctors say at this point? If he is still competent he can spend his money however he wants. But I certainly understand why you want to preserve his assets for his own needs. Getting him involved in some other meaningful activities, as FF suggests, might help a little lessen his obsession with this woman. Could you take him to church?

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score 1 · Answer 12

Any chance of your Dad signing up for a local senior citizen group [if nearby], that way he can meet new people of his own age group, thus after awhile he will forget about this woman.

If your Dad doesn't need his car, maybe it time to sell it and get a good price. One less thing to worry about.

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My Dad has dementia and is giving money to a woman. What can I do?

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