How do I know whether it is better for my husband to be placed in a facility or kept at home?

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FriscoLady Asked February 2015

How do I know whether it is better for my husband to be placed in a facility or kept at home?

My husband has severe Alzheimer's. I am the sole caregiver for my 84 year old husband who is suffering from severe Alzheimer's. He can still take care of his personal hygiene and dress himself. However, he doesn't know where he is although we have lived in our home for almost 20 years. He used to travel a lot in his work and thinks he is traveling and our home is a hotel. He thinks he lives elsewhere and wants to leave and go there. Most of the time he doesn't know who I am, but he knows he likes me. He doesn't want to let me out of his sight. He frequently asks where his parents are or says he has to go visit them or other family members who have passed. He doesn't think he has a problem and gets angry when I try to get help caring for him. He has refused to go to memory care day care even though I have taken him there to see the facility and meet the staff and some of the guests. He says they are all crazy and he doesn't want to be around them. I have recently tried home care for 4 hours 2 days a week so I could get out of the house for a few hours. That did not go well and he asked the caregiver to leave on the second visit. The caregiver called to tell me what was happening so I went home immediately. When I got there the caregiver was on the front steps waiting for me as my husband would not let him stay in the house.

I have looked into placing him in a memory care facility and have chosen a good one for him. However, I feel in my heart (and my head) that he would go into a decline if removed from our home. I want what is best for him and am concerned that perhaps I cannot give him the proper care at home. Would he actually be better off and better cared for in a memory care facility? Does anyone have any suggestions?

Skilled Nursing Facility

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score 1 · Answer 1

The facilities that an assisted living home provides can definitely help your husband. He would feel better by socializing with fellow residents. I would suggest you to visit Luvida Memory Care and consider the place for your husband.

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score 0 · Answer 2

pamzimmrrt - So glad to hear that all is fine with your dad. Hugs to you, your mom and all your family.

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score 0 · Answer 3

I am so pleased.. the MC just called us to let us know that dad is having his dinner and all is fine. This really meant alot to us and Mom.

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score 2 · Answer 4

I hate to admit we told Dad nothing about the move, he can;t remember anything anyway. I am sure he will be looking for Mom tonight ( or that lady) He would not have understood anyway. They had us kinda sneak out by saying we had to do something and would be back.. we will tomorrow. When we took him to see his room we told him it was a hotel... or a place to take a nap. His companion is going to keep him busy tonight.

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score 1 · Answer 5

We have had Mom on a wait list since last Fall. Got the call yesterday that a room is available. We will be moving her within the month. She does a lot of the same as your husband in asking where dead people are and thinks she is living in the city she grew up in but not the house she grew up in. She lives with my sister and thinks a "man" owns the house and this "man" keeps telling her she needs to move. We are going to use that outlet when we tell her and hope she will buy it.

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score 3 · Answer 6

we just placed dad today.. he seems alot worse than your hubs as he could no longer dress, take care of hygene, was falling. We visited Sat and were able to get himhim in today. No one here has had any real sleep in a week. mom is pretty upset, and of course dad got more with it as we were there.. mom keeps saying he looked sad. But I think he was perky because everyone was making a fuss over him ( we are just too tired at this point). We are going with a 30 day repite visit to see how he settles in. More expensive but better for Mom to come more to terms with this.. and maybe after we all get some rest something else will present itself. The mc floor we loved is now closed for a few days due to a GI bug (kept us visiting another place so it's going around), but they have him in a lovely room with a FT assisitant until they can get him upstairs, and will keep him occupied and sit with him at night. This really is best for all of us right now..

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score 1 · Answer 7

I sympathize with you and your fears...but what if something happens to YOU? Then what would happen? Will it be hard to put him in a memory care facility? Of course. Will he better off? Yes. Will you? YES. I agree with freqflyer, put him on the waiting list. I will pray for you.

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score 1 · Answer 8

FriscoLady, think of it this way.... YOU would decline health wise if your hubby continued to live at home. There will be a point where he won't be able to dress or feed himself, and you would need to help him into the bathroom.

Caring for someone with Alzheimer's is very exhausting as you well know..... I saw what my boss went through and he had a Caregiver there 12 hours a day, none on the weekends. There comes a point where you will be caring 168 hours a week, and getting only a couple of hours of sleep at night.

Yes, someone with memory issues will want to "go home", but that home is usually their childhood home.

So glad you are planning ahead, and have narrowed down to a really good memory care facility. Put hubby on their waiting list now. Don't wait until later when that list is much longer and you needed to have place hubby like yesterday.

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How do I know whether it is better for my husband to be placed in a facility or kept at home?

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