How could my siblings blame me for Mom's health?

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kelliebergie Asked February 2015

How could my siblings blame me for Mom's health?

I moved back to my hometown to help my mom about 6 months ago. She is an alcoholic that given up on life after my dad died 8 years ago. Her health has became so bad the last few months. I have been taking care of her and slowly trying to wing her off of alcohol all by myself. Even though I have 2 out of 3 siblings living in the same town I have been caring for mom alone. She wasn't able to breath and had tarry stool so I called the ambulance. She ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks and a physical therapy hospital for about a week in a half.
When mom finally came home my brother who just lost his job he had for 11 years and decided to move in to help with mom. Now he has taken charge of the whole house. He has made statements to me that it a my fault mom is dying several times. When I moved out of town for 3 years. I have been telling him mom needs his help and he should move in to help with bills. He never did. Now that things have got serious. He is using me as a scapegoat and has been accusing me for stealing and being on drugs. Why is this happening?

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score 1 · Answer 1

Hi Kellie, My best guess is that he knows, deep down, that he should have been helping all along. It's a pretty common theme for people to try to deflect their own guilt by going on the aggressive, and blaming someone else. It's how he can feel comfortable with himself. If he can convince himself that you were to blame for Mom's condition then he doesn't have to feel like a guilty louse. ...That doesn't make you feel any better, but there it is. Good luck.

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score 0 · Answer 2

Because it's easier for siblings to blame, than to actually deal with their own emotions and feelings, and it's particularly easy to do so when it's mom. It sounds like mom is getting the care she needs and that should be your priority. Let bro find out how hard it is to take care of her -- it won't take long for him to figure that out, now that he's moved in. Be willing to accept whatever help he gives -- it might not last long!

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score 0 · Answer 3

I didn't know Hospice was in the picture, sorry. Your siblings are grieving already, in anticipation of what is to come. As time grows shorter, tempers may flare higher. You are very courageous to go through this. Share your thoughts with the Hospice Nurse. Perhaps she can talk them into a grief counselor.

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score 0 · Answer 4

No she isnt bleeding internally anymore. Her medication stopped the bleeding. In the hands of professional care she got bed sores which we have been cleaning and tending to 24/7. With the help from hospice nurses i believe she has been receiving the best care possible.
My question is why would my sibling blame me and continue to use me for their scapegoat?

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score 0 · Answer 5

Is mom continuing to bleed internally? Do either of you have a clue what is wrong with her? Mom would be better off in professional care. You and bro can then argue all you want without upsetting her.

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How could my siblings blame me for Mom's health?

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