How can I stop my toxic sisters husband from interfering over my Mom's health and well being?

It is generally accepted in counseling that no big decisions should be made in the first year after a huge loss like the loss of a husband or wife. Don't sell the house, etc.. If your mother is of sound mind and capable of staying in the house, there is no reason for it to be sold, expecially right after losing her husband. That would be another huge loss for her emotionally.

Do I see money as the issue here. Do the other sibs and BIL think if they get the house sold they can start spending Mum's money. It is very important for Mum to decide who should have POA and after that the chips will fall where they may. They may be seeing the fact that you are living with Mum you are benefiting from free board and lodging. there is so nuch stupid jealously in these situations.

I find that many elders agree with whatever child they are talking to, which is why it's important for he siblings to sit down together and have a talk.

Do you have POA over your mothers finance's and healthcare?

Who's got power of attorney? If no one, get it done NOW while your mother has capacity. And please note: your mother gives POA to the person or people she trusts best to act on her behalf. It's her choice to make, not yours or anyone else's.

There are some bits and pieces here which don't quite add up. For example: if your sister and her husband have not been involved in your mother's care, how come it's they who have made the appointment for her mental health assessment, and the husband who is taking the time to attend it? So the question is - are they not involved, or is it more that you would rather they weren't?

I do sympathise with you. I care for my mother full-time at home, and I also have had difficulties with family members' meddling. But I think you need to have a long hard think about the situation. Your newly widowed mother (I'm sorry for your loss too - and are you taking care of yourself about that, by the way?) is going to need a good deal more support than she has done, and her needs are going to increase over time. If you are planning to support her living at home you are not going to be able to work full time, not indefinitely anyway, and not unless you've got a terrifically understanding employer.

I agree that things shouldn't be done in such a hurry, and I am in favour in principle of people's staying in their own home rather than residential care. But just telling your sisters and BIL to butt out is not going to work, and not going to help. You need to sit down and come up with a positive long-term care plan, working with social services and her health team - and they will want to involve the whole family.

Clearly your mother won't feel the same as you do about her other children: she has a right to contact with them, and the right to expect them to be made welcome in her home. The bottom line of all this is that in the end, like it or not, there is going to have to be a family conference. Have it mediated by a social worker or other person if you like, but everybody has a right to an opinion - provided that you all remember that it's only your mother's best interests that matter.

It isn't easy or fun, but it's got to be done. Step one is to ask your mother what she wants, step two is to communicate what she says to your siblings, step three is to come up with a plan to get as close as possible to meeting her wishes. Good luck, keep posting.

to sit down and talk to the family is a no no as we do not get on
Icared for my father washed him dressed him and at times fed him iam griving to
and my sisters did nothing to help me
it is my sisters who what my mother put in a home just like they did my dad so as not to disruped their lives and it is them saying our mother cant cope and yet they have not been here to she just how is coping

This sounds like such a sad, tense, over - wrought situation. The one thing I would suggest is that all of you family members have a sit down in a public place, away from mom, and have a talk about the finances and about what mom's needs are. Who is in charge of mom's finances? Is the need to sell the house based on the fact that mom can no longer afford the house on her own? Is the house handicap accessible? Why is mom's mental health being assessed? Does she have dementia, depression?

It sounds like someone else is driving the bus, metaphorically. Are you getting your information about these events from your mom or from your sister? Perhaps sitting down with the rest of the family will yield positive results.