It's too late to get POA -- she cannot sign now, as she is no longer competent to do so. You will need to go to court to seek guardianship and you will probably need to hire your own lawyer to succeed in getting appointed guardian. Start keeping a log of things that justify mom's need for moving to AL or a NH -- falls, skipping medication doses, dietary insufficiencies, personal care issues, etc. Mom's doctor should be able to help, too.
Butterfly - is it the situation that the NH is "requiring" that they have on file a DPOA or MPOA for the resident in order for them to move in? Both of the NH my mom has been in as well as her IL wanted these for her application. All implied that it was "required" but in fact it is not required by law for placement. Much like they press you you to sign off to be personally responsible for payment "just in case". Again this is not required, a lot of this is a CYA action by the facility.
Now I did have the POA for my mom, but she signed herself into the IL and NH #1.For NH # 2 I did and signed all as "Jane Smith Jones in her limited capacity as DPOA for Ann Smith". If you don't have POA you will need to have mom sign each & every form otherwise you are signing off for full responsibility financially.
So mom is stubborn, correct? What is the situation, is she the type to call a bluff and then be ok once there? Would she really really get there and call a cab to take her to a hotel or back to her old house? Would she get there and throw a fit big time with throwing things, cursing & all ugly? Or is she just flat used to being all Queenie with family? How much of this is fear of the unknown? Alot of what to do really depends on her personality and yours since it seems you are the point person in all this.
So much of the time with parents, the 50/60 yr old reverts to being a child and mom or dad reverts to being boss. And no passing lanes. If this is you, Is there another family member that she is more likely to be obedient around who could do this. Or a clergy she confides in that can convince her of the need for POA. Or a trusted neighbor who convinces her that this is best for her to allow you to be POA???
If all this strikes out, then you are really left with the only option of going the guardianship / conservatorship route on mom. G/C's are so much more complicated and costly to set up than a DPOA. But sometimes that is just what has to be done. Cost anywhere from 5 - 15K and with court hearings. There are lots of good posts on G/C issues on this site for you to read.
My mom did not want to move to IL from her home of 50years, I basically forced her to do it for her safety, security & socialization. As POA I could do this, but she could have fought it & rescinded the POA. The day of the move, she was walking around her room wringing her hands all sobbing and saying you can make me over & over, all the while the movers are in the room shrink wrapping her furniture. Quite the dramarama. I went outside for air and the driver of the van asked how it was going. I told him and he said to keep an eye out on her so that she didn't try to sit on the lift as they had that problem a few days before…..very matter of fact like this happens all the time in moving elderly. Flash forward to a couple of days later, I called mom every morning at 8 AM sharp to make sure she's ok and had placed her door hanger outside her room (this is how the IL established all ok overnight for the residents, they had to have it set by 8:30AM). Phone rings, no answer; 15 minutes later again, no answer; now it's after 9 AM, still no answer & I'm going into crisis mode calling and getting dressed, texting my DH in panic. At 9:15 she finally answers all breathless. Mom are you ok? Yes and I'm late, I heard the phone when I was leaving my neighbors so I had to rush back to the apt, have to go, the van is waiting downstairs to take us to Steinmart. Click. FUN! So much of this is fear of change in their mind and our fear of having something happen to them & questioning our decisions. Elderly can be amazingly resilient when they need to, they went through the depression and somewhere that strength is still there. Likely your mom will be just fine in the Il, AL or NH perhaps pissy at first and then they move past it. Good luck & keep a sense of humor in all this.
Depending on the state you will have to petition the court for guardianship or conservatorship. My FIL was unable to understand POA and sign so we had to go in front of the judge and he granted conservatorship to my husband and the oldest daughter. You then have the authority to make decisions for your loved one.
Thank you Jeanne. She does have dementia and is very stubborn. Actually I spoke with a employee of APS and she told me the same thing as you have. How did you get your mother into a nursing home without POA?
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Now I did have the POA for my mom, but she signed herself into the IL and NH #1.For NH # 2 I did and signed all as "Jane Smith Jones in her limited capacity as DPOA for Ann Smith". If you don't have POA you will need to have mom sign each & every form otherwise you are signing off for full responsibility financially.
So mom is stubborn, correct? What is the situation, is she the type to call a bluff and then be ok once there? Would she really really get there and call a cab to take her to a hotel or back to her old house? Would she get there and throw a fit big time with throwing things, cursing & all ugly? Or is she just flat used to being all Queenie with family? How much of this is fear of the unknown? Alot of what to do really depends on her personality and yours since it seems you are the point person in all this.
So much of the time with parents, the 50/60 yr old reverts to being a child and mom or dad reverts to being boss. And no passing lanes. If this is you, Is there another family member that she is more likely to be obedient around who could do this. Or a clergy she confides in that can convince her of the need for POA. Or a trusted neighbor who convinces her that this is best for her to allow you to be POA???
If all this strikes out, then you are really left with the only option of going the guardianship / conservatorship route on mom. G/C's are so much more complicated and costly to set up than a DPOA. But sometimes that is just what has to be done. Cost anywhere from 5 - 15K and with court hearings. There are lots of good posts on G/C issues on this site for you to read.
My mom did not want to move to IL from her home of 50years, I basically forced her to do it for her safety, security & socialization. As POA I could do this, but she could have fought it & rescinded the POA. The day of the move, she was walking around her room wringing her hands all sobbing and saying you can make me over & over, all the while the movers are in the room shrink wrapping her furniture. Quite the dramarama. I went outside for air and the driver of the van asked how it was going. I told him and he said to keep an eye out on her so that she didn't try to sit on the lift as they had that problem a few days before…..very matter of fact like this happens all the time in moving elderly. Flash forward to a couple of days later, I called mom every morning at 8 AM sharp to make sure she's ok and had placed her door hanger outside her room (this is how the IL established all ok overnight for the residents, they had to have it set by 8:30AM). Phone rings, no answer; 15 minutes later again, no answer; now it's after 9 AM, still no answer & I'm going into crisis mode calling and getting dressed, texting my DH in panic. At 9:15 she finally answers all breathless. Mom are you ok? Yes and I'm late, I heard the phone when I was leaving my neighbors so I had to rush back to the apt, have to go, the van is waiting downstairs to take us to Steinmart. Click. FUN! So much of this is fear of change in their mind and our fear of having something happen to them & questioning our decisions. Elderly can be amazingly resilient when they need to, they went through the depression and somewhere that strength is still there. Likely your mom will be just fine in the Il, AL or NH perhaps pissy at first and then they move past it. Good luck & keep a sense of humor in all this.
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But, we just had to wait it out and take a chance that she would be OK.
Does she live with you?
And if she agrees to go, you can arrange that without POA. My mother is in a nursing home and she has not named any one as POA.
It is definitely worthwhile to have power of attorney, but I'm not sure that is going to solve the problem you are trying to solve.
Does Mother have dementia? Is she willing to name you POA? Is she willing to go to a nursing home?
Provide a little more background, and someone may be able to give more specific advice.