How do I get my family to help more with our Mom's care in her home?

You say that mom's short term memory is bad. Has she been evaluated, by a neurologist, for dementia? Of course she wants to stay in her home, but if she has a progressive condition such as dementia, she's going to need 24/7 supervision at some point.

In your shoes, I would start off by getting a good diagnositic picture of what is going on with mom, medically, psychiatrically and emotionally. Talk with her doctors about what her needs are now and what they are likely to look like down the road. Is her home accessible? Is there good senior support (meals on wheels, transportation, senior center and/or trip organizations) that mom will avail herself of? Or is she becoming a shut in who only wants family to help and wont accept any outsiders?

If the latter is the case, you may soon find yourself with a heavy burden of full time caretaking for an elder who "thinks" she's independent but is actually reliant upon one child for total support (grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, transport to doctors, etc). If your mother still has good cogntive skills, NOW is the time to look into Independent or Assisted Living, if she has the resources. don't worry, there will be PLENTY for you and all other family members to do!

Ssmith, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but if you are the most local to your Mom, you will be taking on the brunt of the responsibilities. I have 2 out of state sibs and they 'never got it' til my Mom was in a memory care facility! Still, there things they can do from afar - depending upon circumstances. Here are some requests you may make to them: Identifying home care services in Mom's area - calling and getting pertinent info and documenting it for future reference. Ditto on Memory care facilities and/or nursing homes. Routine calls to Mom with email reports to all of conversations. I know you said Mom wanted to stay in her own home, but at some point that may become impossible. Being prepared is better than running around in an emergency situation. If Mom is in the neighborhood where you were all raised, perhaps sibs can put their thinking caps on and suggest folks that may make occasional companions to help Mom.

You mention getting unity, but not what the issue is. As the 'one' who pretty much made all arrangements and handled things for my Mom, if the sibs don't want to do anything, give it up. It will make your life easier and help maintain whatever relationship you may have with them. Meanwhile, check out legal docs --- I hope you have POA and health care decision making papers. (though my Mom had days she was lucid enough to add me to her accounts at the bank). It enabled me to handle her finances without ever evoking an existing legal POA (and it was easier as well). Keep track of EVERY penny of your Mom's money that is spent. Start now. People come out of the woodwork when money is involved. No checks to your self without store/service receipts for Mom's stuff.

Sorry to say, if your siblings have not stepped up to the plate by now, chances are they will not. I would still try a time or two more to get them back in the picture to help you, but then if they refuse I would cease communication with them. I have noticed there are inconsistencies with the non-helping siblings. They have very strong feelings about NOT helping/visiting, yet paradoxically they have very strong feelings about getting their share (or possibly more) of the inheritance. I'm not saying this is the situation with your siblings, but for your protection keep an eye on the financial situation also.

It isn't easy to get everyone involved. Often the responsibility falls on one person. Other people may be too busy with things in their own life or they live too far away to be helpful. Some people aren't good when it comes to things involved in caregiving. One thing you can do is decide how each could be helpful and to ask them if they would do something. This might be something as simple as calling every week or more complicated as coming in to share the physical tasks of caregiving. Don't be surprised if some of them don't want to, or are not able to become involved.

It depends on what the family members have going on in their own lives. I don't suppose that they are all running smoothly.

If you can make decisions for the family, I would go ahead. I would set up some CNAs to come in and help.

It won't be easy, because chances are she sounds perfectly fine on the phone. Elders can "showtime" distant relatives for brief contacts. On the other hand, if you can get them to spend a week with her, it becomes abundantly clear how functional she is or is not. Not a weekend. A full week.