Any ideas to get Mom with Alzheimer's to allow a cleaning person in the apt?

True on the homes! As for taking mom out, she's all for lunch but not the other things. She says she's always too tired and not interested. But long lunch might work!

If you need a few hours, take her to lunch and then the beauty salon. A Cut and color will kill an hour and a half. Pedicure about an hour. Visit a botanical garden if there is one near by.

The good news is that "homes" are, in general, much healthier and better regulated places than they were 30 years ago.

My mom doesn't need the care, per se, but Dad is lilke a grounding force to her. As long as he's healthy, she's in somewhat decent shape/less confused etc. Then when he gets sick, it throws her into a state of confusion. Dad pays all the bills and is very with it mentally, and ok physically but doesn't really take care of her. But he goes along with a lot of what she wants (he always has) and now is the time to stand his ground. It's a hard situation overall. I think I'm realizing that if he goes first, I'm just going to have to put my foot down and she goes into assisted living because she can't be on her own and she will just have to deal. Unfortunately, that will be the same thing she did with her mother with dementia back in the 80s. They put her in a home because she was stubborn and she died a few months later. The writing is on the wall and I just want to keep them comfortable in their own place as long as possible but the axe will fall before too long. I don't have the support system of a large family too- it's pretty much on me so that's why it's more difficult for me I think, plus me being 1.5 hours away. Sigh.

Geewiz is right, you can't argue with dementia. Yes, get her out of the house so the cleaning person can come in. We had the same problem with my mother. She wouldn't let anyone in either. The family spent the next ten years doing the cleaning ourselves.

I agree with Babalou, forget the logic it is time for therapeutic fibbing (or gentle storytelling as I often refer to it). Can you get her out of the house and the cleaners in while she is gone? When I brought in housekeeping services to my Mom, she was in the early stages. So I sat with her while the housekeeping woman did her magic. We moved to the other rooms to allow for all to be cleaned. I complimented the housekeeping woman and made a fuss about what a nice job she did. BUT, as I said, that was in the early stages. The biggest mistake in my family and now my in-laws is they think the dementia patient can actually reason things out. You can't spend each visit cleaning, it isn't fair to you or your folks. You should be having at least some time to provide love and support. Figure out a way to get your Mom out of the house and the housekeeper in during that time slot. Is your 93 y.o. Dad providing 24/7 care to your Mom? You may want to rethink that as well.

I noticed with my parents [90's] the older they get the more they distrust people. A few years ago I wanted to give my Mom as a gift a thorough house keeping... oh my gosh, she acted like I had insulted her. Plus she added she didn't want strangers in the house, they might take something. Never again.

Now if someone said to me now that they have a cleaning crew ready to tackle my house, I would be shouting from the rooftop in glee :)

That's true- we actually had this cleaning lady lined up and she didn't pan out, but she was from Brazil and she and dad were talking in portuguese- the lightbulb went off that I could tell mom that she was an old student of my dad's- but it never happened. I might have to try that route but you are right- being creative and it really doesn't hurt them in the end...If anything happens to dad, that's what's going to happen- I would threaten her with that now but she won't get it. When the time comes she will just have to go kicking and screaming.

So, your mom has dementia. I think the very hardest part of dealing with this is that logic doesn't work. That the very person who taught us logic now has a broken brain. Therapeutic fibbing sometimes works...these are your friends who've come to help. These are aunt ellen 's cleaning people. You have to be creative. Sadly, often this doesn't work and a caring facility is the next step.