My Mom is blind and has profound hearing loss. How can I deal with my own frustration at constantly having to repeat myself?

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weinan Asked March 2015

My Mom is blind and has profound hearing loss. How can I deal with my own frustration at constantly having to repeat myself?

Mom lost most of her sight 14 years ago but was able to live alone with some help that we hired in. Suddenly she lost a great deal of what remained of her vision and we were told eventually she would be completely blind. At that point we invited her to live with us. She accepted, 9 years ago. She has over the past few years also suffered profound hearing loss. She asks a lot of questions (she can't see after all, I understand that need) but she can never hear the answers. I stand at her bedside (she has been bedridden for a year now, needs diapers, bed baths and can't feed herself sometimes) answering the question sometimes as many as 6 or 7 times until she gets the answer. Lately this is driving me nuts.So many of the questions are just out of curiosity and I feel less and less compelled to answer every single one. I hate it that she is locked in to her own little world, and feel so badly for her, but I have less patience for things that don't actually need to be done as there are so many things I must do. Thankfully we have carers 2x a day 7 days a week to do most hygiene and dressing but we can't leave her alone for more than a couple of hours in between meals and never over night. Any advice?

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score 0 · Answer 1

I can understand your frustration. If she has dementia she may be asking because she doesn't comprehend. My dad has hearing loss and he hears something different from what I say and sometimes I have to repeat. I have found if I face him he can hear better. Do you speak directly into your mom's ear? Try both ears to see which one she hears out of better. You can roll up a piece of paper to make a 'megaphone', this will amplify the sound if you speak into it while it's close to her hear. I don't know if a hearing aid would help but it sounds as if taking her out would be difficult. Don't speak to fast & speak clearly should help some.

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score 0 · Answer 2

That was a very smart idea Sophe509.

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score 2 · Answer 3

weinan, I know your frustration. I have to repeat things to my mother, who has hearing loss and dementia. I say it once to get her attention, twice for her to hear, and three times for her to understand. Strangely enough, her hearing is better at some times than others. Sometimes when I speak very loudly she will think I am angry at her and tell me that I don't have to yell. That is when I go looking for my helmet (protection when bumping head on wall).

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score 1 · Answer 4

There are several questions Mom asks over and over and over and over again. I finally took a felt pen and wrote on a piece of cardboard the answers to the questions, numbering them 1-10. I taped it to the bedroom door where it was really obvious. She apparently is still able to read, at least somewhat. At least at the last check she could still read...better check again.

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score 2 · Answer 5

freqflyer, I hear what you are saying. I have actually seen a 99 year old woman use a personal amplifer that worked great for her, however, she did cut the cord to her headphones because it got in her way. Her loved ones bought new headphones and decided to hide the scissors from her. :)

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score 1 · Answer 6

I understand your frustrations. My mom has hearing loss and sight is poor. I repeat myself over and over. My patience does wear thin at times. I try to put myself in her position and how I would want my care giver to treat me. I was sick so much as a child and she had so much patience with me, so I try to do the same for her.

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score 2 · Answer 7

kjn1001, all those special amplifiers and modern technology is great for much younger people compared to the aging. There comes a point in an elders time when there is nothing anyone can do to help them hear or see better when nature is shutting down their hearing/eye sight. Plus if you present them with something new, it is so very difficult for an elder to learn how to use new technology.

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score 2 · Answer 8

Dementia itself will cause her to ask the same question over and over. Most of on here have gone through that already and it is very frustrating. My mom will be looking at the huge digital clock that has the time and day and date, and will still ask about the day. It's because they get so disoriented and are just trying to make sense of the world. If someone walks out of the room, she wants to know where they went. It's not a very big house, so there are few options. She is also hard of hearing so each answer has to be said several times at increasing volume until she gets it. Then two minutes later, we start up again. Yes, it's amazingly frustrating and sometimes I just leave the room for a few minutes to break the loop.

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score 1 · Answer 9

Have you ever thought of trying a personal amplifier rather than hearing aids? Pocketalker for only 119.00. It will amplify conversations by up to 52 dB. :)

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score 0 · Answer 10

Thanks for your advice! Sadly, sometimes the questions are so basic and simple and the answers impossible to re-arrange. Like what day is it today? It's Tuesday. What? It's Tuesday. and on and on. She hears so poorly it makes no sense to give longer explanations. I should mention she also has dementia. Sometimes it is pretty tolerable and sometimes it's overwhelming. It's very encouraging to hear from people who know what I'm going through, and that I am certainly not the only one!

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score 1 · Answer 11

My Mom is going through the same difficulty of being almost blind due to age related eye disease, and for the past 10 years dealing with slowly losing her hearing. Now hearing aids won't give her the help she needs :(

Yes, you will need to answer your Mom a half dozen times, I know how annoying that can be and how easy it is to lose patience.... try rearranging the wording each time you answer, or use different words to get the same point across. It's not your Mom's fault her hearing is so bad now, it's all part of aging. Plus, her brain is hearing different words than what you or I hear.... if I say "jello", Mom will hear "pillow". Then if I say "strawberry jello" she will catch on to what I am saying.

Put yourself in your Mom's shoes, imagine wanting to communicate with others but it becomes very difficult... she's probably as frustrated as you are.

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My Mom is blind and has profound hearing loss. How can I deal with my own frustration at constantly having to repeat myself?

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