My son and I are caregiving for my hubby. He's very difficult and is in depends and can get violent at times. What should I do?

I think you have to let go before you collapse. Hubby needs to be in a care facility. He will be mad and yell but things will calm down. Have him evaluated to determine what level of care he needs. Assited living and nursing care facilities will come to your home and evaluate his needs. There may be a short waiting list but start the process one before you're done in by this situation.

OK. Breathe. He's upset because he hates the fact he's incontinent. If he is just yelling you just stay calm. If he is hitting and can hurt you, you may have to back off and strongly consider getting other caregivers whether he wants that or not. If you have not even tried the medication, try it; if you have tried it and you think it made him worse, call and tell the doctor of his or her nurse about that. Sometimes they can try something else, and if a medication meant to help him feel and act better makes him feel and act worse, then no one would want him to keep taking it. Things that work well for most people don't work for everyone, and it's frustrating for patients and doctors alike because most of the time you find out by trying, you can hardly ever tell in advance.

PPA can be horribly frustrating...I feel for both of you, and you are obviously doing your best here!

When my Dad started to get agressive, we tried several difffernt drugs.. many worked for awhile.. so try what you are offered. BUT nothing worked for very long, and we had to make the hard choice to put dad in MC.. Maybe this would work for you for even a respite stay ( say a month or 2 weeks) to let you get some time to recoup and make some decisions? It is very scarey when they get violent, and you have to think about yourself and your son also.

Oh my gosh, you sound really burnt out. When the violent behavior is regular thing in the household, you and your son need to sit down and discuss what would be the next level of care for your husband who according to your profile has memory issues. You wouldn't want a Aide to get hurt, nor yourself or your son.

Would your husband be able to pay for a continuing care facility where the workers deal with this type of situation on a regular 24-hour basis?.... if not, could he qualify for Medicaid where Medicaid would help fund his care in such a facility?