How do I introduce a helper to my husband, who has Alzheimer's?

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Isabella1 Asked March 2015

How do I introduce a helper to my husband, who has Alzheimer's?

My husband doesn't want me to leave him, he complains when I even go out. My husband wants me to be at home with him all the time. He says we are married and should be together. He is 87 in good physical health. I have stopped him from driving about a year ago when he was lost for 36 hours, and found by the Sheriff's Dept in another state. He doesn't wander, he is almost a recluse, won't go anywhere, haven't been to a restaurant with him in over 3 years and only goes to the Doctors, with great persuasion. He has no concept of time, thinks I'm gone all day when I go to the grocery store for an hour.
He can be alone for about two hours, sleeps a lot, but after that he starts to get up-set with me leaving him. I can see a time in the future when he wont be able to be left alone. He seems so attached to me, I can't imagine him accepting someone coming in and being with him.
How can I introduce a helper?

Home Care

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score 2 · Answer 1

I agree about the comments about the meds for anxiety. Also the "have the helper in" while you are still there...soon the helper is not a stranger.

You need a break. When the aid comes in I go out. Even if I just sit in the car...so mom understands that "I want the aid to focus all of her energies on her" and not be distracted by me...A break is a break!

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score 2 · Answer 2

I think I would do as Pam suggests have the caregiver come in and spend time with both of you then depending on how it goes leave for a short time and gradually increase the time you are away. Maybe you can make it look as though the caregiver is there to help you. if hubby is safe to be left for short periods don't give in to temper tamtrums.

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score 3 · Answer 3

I write down on a chalk board where I am going and when I will be back and show it to him. He says fine, take your time....but when I come home on time, it is another story. He is taking 50 mg of Sertraline. That seems to have helped.
I try to ignore his remarks when I come home, he usually gets over it in half an hour. I pass on going out to lunch with my girlfriends, because I just don't want to face the hassle when I get home. I play tennis 3 mornings at week, and I am holding firm on not giving that up. I need the exercise and the mental relief. It is so strange, he is so happy when I leave, says take your time, but when I come back I don't know who I will find. Sometimes he says I should go away and stay.

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score 3 · Answer 4

Could you get by with a small therapeutic lie? Maybe introduce the caregiver as a friend of yours, spend a little time for him to get to know her/him and then head for break. Pams right, he might have a fit but it won't kill him. Do what has to be done. My dad with dementia always gets pissy when I schedule in home care for my mom. I don't disscuss any plans with him anymore. The RN shows up, I say that she's an old girlfriend of mine who happens to be a nurse and he suddenly becomes Mr. Charm and debonair. Of course, I've let the nurse in on this plan before hand.

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score 2 · Answer 5

First, you get him some meds for the anxiety. The companion should meet him and spend some time with him while you are there. If you leave, tell him exactly when you will return- an hour, two hours- and be on time. Ignore tantrums the same way you would with a child. If he knows kicking up a fuss will stop you, he will do it all the time, just like a toddler.

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How do I introduce a helper to my husband, who has Alzheimer's?

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