Mom refuses to go to assisted living. Can I make her go?

Medicare is the health insurance that you get when you go on social security at 65.

Medicaid is the health insurance that people who are poor go on to pay for them to be in a nursing home. I don't believe that medicaid pays for assisted living.

As others have mentioned. As long as your mother is mentally competent, then you can't make her do anything. Her decisions may not be wise, but they are her's.

I don't know the difference between Medicaid and Medicare. Just used the term that first came into my head. When she first fell, she was taken to the ER but never admitted to a hospital. This seems to be the sticky point as far as the government paying for a nursing home/or whatever you want to call it.

Right now, I'm trying to balance my own life with her almost daily demands PLUS trying to get her the help she needs. I live about 45 minutes away so that is taking its toll.

My mother does not have dementia. Or Alzheimers. Or any other mental condition.

My mom's assisted living offered rehab. Perhaps you could tell her she is going to rehab? There is always something that needs to be rehabilitated in the elderly. We had to be careful to never use the words "nursing home".

What is your mom's financial situation? Is she on Medicaid, or is it Medicare that is providing the temporary help...it makes a world of difference. Medicaid is for the impoverished, Medicare is for most of us over 65.

If your mom has a pension, savings and SS, she can pay for care. You can contact home healthcare agencies in your area ( like the visiting nurse service) and she can pay for an attendant, a bath aide, housekeeping, etc.

It sounds as though she needs to be evaluated for dementia. Find out if Medicaid will transport her to medical appointments in an ambulette. You need to explain to the doctor that there will be no one able to care for her at home. Many elders will listen to advice from their doctors, not ft rom their children.

If she ends up in the hospital again, you do not bring her back to her home. The discharge planners at the hospital should assist you with placement.

Right now, taking her on "tours" is out of the question.

I don't know anyone who could come in for 2-3 hours every day. I can't. And, I'm "it" as far as family goes.

My mom can't get anywhere on her own. In fact, she's having problems getting from a chair in the living room to the bathroom, using her walker. She's got leg/hip problems and doesn't see that well. However, in her mind, she's fit as a 20 year old. It takes my husband and I to get her into my car, just to take her to the doctor.

I understand her frustration (I've been housebound myself due to foot surgeries). However, she doesn't think that she has any problems.

Medicaid is paying for the help, temporarily...10 days was what I was told.

No, with POA, you can't make her do anything. You can only carry out her wishes.

I'm going to assume that the help is temporary and will only be paid for by Medicare for a few weeks. Does she understand that? Once the help is gone, can she function on her own? Apparently these professionals think not.

In your shoes, I would take mom on some tours of Assisted Living places, and maybe some Independent Living places. Let her see what they are like.

Post back. Let us know how it's going.

Unless your mother is deemed incompetent due to dementia, she controls her life. Your POA doesn't kick in until she is incapacitated. You want her to go into Assisted living, so you don't have to worry about her safety. She wishes autonomy, or control of her daily living. It's a classic battle, safety over control. Your mom is willing to take the risks. I suggest you work with her to give her the help she needs to stay in her home. Maybe a cleaning woman, or a companion a few hours a day.

For an introvert, being forced to deal with strangers every day is horrifying. I would hate it, so I understand your mom wanting to stay at home. If you want to influence your Mom's decision, you must see it from her viewpoint first.