I want to know what is a fair monthly amount for Mom (90) to pay for living with us?

Thank you Jeannegibbs. I have three siblings who I just got to agree to visit mom once a week on a rotating basis. So, each one only visits once every 3 weeks. I had been asking this for two years and they just started two months ago. My sister is on board with me and very supportive and helpful. My two older brothers are very suspicious of me and have taken several possessions out of my mom's house and try to manipulate her to get things or money from her. I have POA over medical decisions if mom becomes incapacitated. I am executor of my parents Trust ( dad died in 2007). I am on mom's bank account but have never taken money out for my use. I think you are right that a set amount or record of money that mom contributes to us must be documented because I'm sure it will come up once mom passes away. I told my eldest brother that the trust was set up so that everything is supposed to be sold upon my mother's death and goes into the trust to be split 4 ways evenly. My two brothers both want an antique that is still in my mom's house. My mom is lending it to be used by one brother. The other is now asking for a copy of the trust. I just anticipate lots of problems and accusations from my brothers. I think mom will have enough money to pay for any needs that arise and she has Medicare plus Blue Cross Supplemental health insurance. But, I think all of your suggestions are warranted for record keeping so I can show them that I only really want to take good care of mom. Do you think if mom just documents that she is paying for all groceries and household products as her contribution for her staying in our house and for the care we give her is sufficient?

If there is any, ANY possibility that she would run out of money if she needed specialized long-term care, if there is ANY possibility she might need to apply for Medicaid some day, then it is important to regularize her payments to you, so they would not be considered "gifts" in the application process. She is allowed to spend money for her own welfare and upkeep, so putting it on a contractual basis would protect her eligibility. I hope she never has disabilities that you can't care for her in your home. But the future is always uncertain, so at least consider the possibility of needing to bring in around-the-clock care or even moving her to a care center. How long would her money last? If you're pretty sure it would last the rest of her life, then you don't need to be careful regarding protecting her Medicaid eligibility.

Are there siblings involved, who might question how Mom is spending her money?

What you describe sounds fair to me. If she starts needing more care, you might want to increase it and/or expect her to pay for periodic respite care if she cannot be left alone. My only concern would be about documenting this arrangement, but that may not be necessary.

I really appreciate all of your responses. Yes, longevity runs in my mother's family. She has 8 siblings ranging from age 92 to age 80. Only one brother passed away about 10 years ago. Her parents lived to mid 80's. She has lived with us for almost 7 years. She bought a new washer and dryer for us, paid $5000.00 To have our bathroom remodeled, and contributed 1/3 towards a deck we had built so she could walk and sit safely outside. Within the last 2 years she started giving me her credit card and telling me to put all groceries, cleaning & laundry supples on it. This averages to about $200 a $300 per week as my household includes my eldest son, 19 year old daughter, mom, my husband and myself. We did buy her bedroom set when she moved in with us and except for the deck and bathroom, she didn't really pay for anything else until 2 years ago. We also pay her cell phone bill as it is on our plan. Does this sound like she is paying too much or too little to us? This was her idea to just contribute like this and I just want it to be fair.

You can charge room and board, or you can charge for personal care, or you can do both. The amount could be the going rate for those things in your area, if she can afford that. Or you can give a "family discount." :)

You and she should consult an attorney specializing in Elder Law for the best way to set this up.

It is very appropriate to give our parents the dignity of paying their own way (or as much of their way as they can). Charging your parents has nothing to do with how much you love them. It is a practical and responsible thing to do.

Subsidized low income housing takes 30% of your SS for an apartment with utilities included. SNAP pays about $125 a month for food. BUT she should not pay more than one third of the household expenses if there are 3 of you. Be sure you have a written contract drawn up by her attorney.

Well, if your mother is a third adult in the house, then the routine answer would be that she pays a third of utilities and regular bills; but that does assume that she feels like a well integrated member of the household and is free to come and go as she pleases, yes? You sound a little uncomfortable about approaching this with her, though; but rest your mind. If she's said she doesn't want to be a burden, and she's used to paying her own way in her own home, it's just a transfer of her normal living expenses to her new home in your house. There's nothing mercenary or unfair about it.

Whatever amount you end up charging, there needs to be a written contract between her and ya'll stating how much you will be paid for doing specific caregiving duties. With you home ya'll are basically providing 24/7 care. That needs to be taken in to account as well. Basically, you are running an assisted living for her inside your home.

A contract would be good if there are siblings who will want to know how the money was spent. Also, whoever is the POA can't be the one entering into the contract because that is not legal to take pay as the POA.

Do people in her people live a long time or is she unique in living this long? I ask this because there is always the chance that her health could suddenly turn for the worse and would require for her to have more care than two people can do 24/7.

I wish you well with all of this and hope someone can come up; with a figure of how much you should charge. One idea would be to ask a caregiver agency where you are what they charge for someone per hour. I think that would give you an idea.