I have a friend who is on dialysis, home alone and unable to care for himself. What to do?

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elsinore Asked March 2015

I have a friend who is on dialysis, home alone and unable to care for himself. What to do?

Wife cannot take care. No children. They life in their own condo. He was just hospitalized for pneumonia for 10 days. He can barely walk using a walker. Matter of fact, fell a couple of times in the past two days. His wife can only walk using a cane and she can barely do that. Had wheel her around in a wheel chair last week. They have no children. My friend on dialysis has on sister about 150 miles away. His wife has one sister in a nursing home, one sister in Hong Kong and one sister in Houston. They live in hoarder conditions. They have refused Home Health Care. They have refused Rehab Hospital after the latest hospital stay. They refuse meal on wheels. His dialysis center is about 15 miles away and the wife who can barely walk, drivers him there. He has refused to transfer care to a closer location. They usually call the grocery store to get simple food to cook and eat. This last time, called me. I am 45 minutes away. I am at a loss of what to do now.

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score 1 · Answer 1

Well done! Now that he is in the system they should look after him. Bless you for reaching out to them and following through. It sounds like the wife needs an evaluation as to what she needs in terms of daily care. I suspect she needs assisted living where many services are provided. Possibly they could end up in the same facility. Some are multipurpose so residents can move from one level to another easily.

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score 2 · Answer 2

I would just like to give a short update. First off, thank you for the advice and help. My friend called again yesterday for another grocery run. I picked up the request and headed over to his condo. He was having a bad day. I convinced him to let me take him to the er at the hospital he was discharged from a couple of days ago. After full workup er dr. said that he was going to admit him to rehab hospital in the morning, but also admit him to the hospital so they can do a direct transfer over. I will address his wife's situation once a full eval at the rehab hospital.

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score 0 · Answer 3

Or the Officer might be able to arrange transport to ER and they can place them in a facility.

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score 1 · Answer 4

Call 911, report 2 very sick elderly folks that cannot walk, no food, no help, and request an Officer come out for a check. If they will open door for emergencies they should open for an Officer. Then the officer can get in touch with APS (I assume. ...).

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score 3 · Answer 5

Explain the whole situation as you know it to APS - they are used to dealing with difficult situations. They definitely need help, whether they want it or not. Basically, the way they are going now is suicidal - you would basically have to step in personally and try to keep the situation going (grocery shopping) BUT this is NOT sustainable with their medical problems, no matter how generous you are. Best thing to do is get them help - trying to do it yourself merely encourages their stubbornness. I went through this kind of thing just recently with an old family friend. She would be dead now if she had continued as she wanted to - now she is safe, fairly healthy and eating right.

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score 0 · Answer 6

One last question in the past they refused to let any one in their home except delivery and emergency response

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score 1 · Answer 7

Thank you very much i will start working on this. I feel bad for them hanging on to independence but i feel worse with this situation now

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score 2 · Answer 8

They need help whether they want it or not. APS is a good place to start. Your local social services and agency on aging may be helpful as well

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score 2 · Answer 9

Elsinore, APS is Adult Protection Services. Said group will come out to their home to check on their condition and how they are living. If APS finds the couple is in a difficult situation, such as unable to make good decisions, APS will try to correct the situation to the best of their abilities, such as moving the couple to a nursing home.

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