Is it realistic for family from out of town to expect me to cook for them?

If you didn't invite them for Easter dinner, they shouldn't have expected it. In fact, if they had any awareness, they should have invited you both out to a restaurant for dinner or had a meal brought in if your mother is housebound. They should be coming into town to give you a break from caregiving duties, not add more work and stress to your life. Apparently, they're completely clueless. Sheesh!!!

Cheeky beggars! I put my foot down about this once mother came back from rehab post-stroke and feel no shame whatever about saying bluntly that I'm not up to catering; but it's true I used to feel that I ought to have something to put in front of any guests who'd come to visit her. Hospitality is a hard instinct to shake.

But no, it is not realistic to expect someone with a full-time job - two, in fact, once we add in your caregiving commitment - to wait on you, and your relatives might have thought of that. Feel no guilt!

I guess different folks have different expectations. I would have expected them to treat you and mom to dinner out. I guess it's best to discuss plans before the event next time. If you invited them for a holiday visit, they may well have expected that food would be served.

Different families have different expectations, as do different ethnic groups and cultures. As families become more mobile, both geographically and economically, expectations that are unspoken lead to hurt feelings. To someone living on a very low income, someone living in their own home appears wealthy, when in fact they are struggling to pay the mortgage. Try to let go of hurt and make sure that the expectations are out in the open next time.

You've got some demanding relatives! In my family, I'd have brought you and your mom a meal and also asked what we could bring in for Easter. I wouldn't worry about such selfish people - they're clearly not worried about you.

Many out-of-town relatives have unrealistic expectations when they visit. It is not necessarily that they are clueless jerks but that they really are clueless about how the world changes with caregiving.

If your relatives really are jerks, just shrug this whole experience off. If they are generally decent people with a big dose of ignorance, you might write them an email saying how lovely it was to see them and how sorry you are that caregiving has made it impossible to offer the kind of hospitality you have in the past or that generally exists in your family.

A chronic illness that requires caregiving changes things drastically. But people who have never seen the situation up close and personal don't know that they have to change their expectations.

You had 10 family members in your house with you and your mother? They should be told to stay in a hotel and eat breakfast out on their own and brought an Easter meal to you two! That is ridiculous!

With being so deceptive in their approach to this visits makes me think it had nothing to do with the real meaning of Easter at all, but was a just a reason to descend for a surprise visit.

Even if you did a nice Easter meal for the two of you, cooking and cleaning up for a party of 10 is nowhere near the same level of effort.

Now they know you can't be Martha bloody Stewart on the spot. Where I'm from, that would be the height of rudeness to presume you are just going to take care of it all by magic. I hope they learned a lesson!

I would probably be in a rage at first, but would eventually calm down enough to act nonchalant about not having a meal prepared. "Oh, I just assumed you'd stop to eat on the way over here!" See, that knife cuts two ways! :-D

How did this happen? Did you invite them for Easter? Or did they just call and say "We are coming." ? Either way, the plans needed to be discussed prior to Easter Sunday. Maybe they could have thought of a way to all bring something.

Breakfast for 10 people? Not hardly. Who did they think was paying for all of this?

Babalou, mom is housebound. Going out to dinner is not an option. My question is referring to them expecting me to have cooked upon their arrival the day BEFORE Easter. Sorry I did not make that clear. I didn't invite them, they invited themselves under the guise of visiting mom for the holiday. As for Easter itself, of course I cooked. I would have prepared mom a special meal regardless.

The relatives were out of line to expect you to cook and serve them. However, I have found that people who have never experienced care-giving have no clue. In order to smooth things over, I would send them an email apologizing for the "misunderstanding". Tell them that it is just not possible for you to prepare holiday dinner for everyone, but you will offer your home and put the coffee pot on if they care to bring food in. A local grocery chain in my area prepares holiday meals which include a meat (ham or prime rib this Easter, ham or turkey for Thanksgiving and Christmas), assorted side dishes and dessert. If possible, send them a flyer. They can order in advance of their arrival, and take up a collection. When they pick up the dinner they can grab some bagels for breakfast the next day.