The area on aging investigator investigating frivolous complaints. Has anyone else gone through this?

Oh, man, I ma learning to much vicariously and am so grateful for it.

My MIL is OK with me, but very critical of her own daughter. So we suggested sis take someone with her. This has worked fabulously well. MIL asked sis to come alone last week because she had "things to talk about". So sis did that, only to be bombarded with criticisms again. Guess what? Sis got a lot smarter that day and will never visit her mom alone ever again.
Do what you have to, preserve your own sanity, take a "buffer" with you!!!

On a softer note My mum screamed at me today in hospital because i trod on the cats tail. Now you and I both know there is no cat on an acute medical ward and so I very calmy said I was so very sorry and it wouldnt happen again then left the room - only to hear her scream exactly the same thing to anurse - Dementia is a b*tch and when accompanied by hallucinations even more so. There is absolutely no point in wasting your time or energy in arguing with someone who doesnt have a clue SO DONT ARGUE. I just go along with everything now and mum appears to be the better for it. My biggest problem is not laughing and to be brutally honest I know I am laughing at her not with her but some of the things she says are just so hysterical that I have to laugh. trust me it much better than the war we were having

Thank you so much, CatRudy2013, for that testimony. Sounding like a better idea all the time.

Have to laugh, sorry. Neither my sister or I would go see either parent alone. Didnt realize that the 4 granddaughters wouldnt, either, and neither will the 4 great grandkids. There is safety in numbers.

Pam is right and, the more I think about it, you should bring a friend or another family member with you.It will diffuse her attention, help you to stay calm, and also to have a witness that you have been calm and to what was said. Keep notes.

There was period there when I never went to my mom's home alone. I had taken her car keys away and she was seething. If I went over, which I did every day, to see if she wanted to go shopping or needed anything, then a fight started. So, I stopped going alone. I brought my husband, poor guy, who was retired and is an unusually calm person. This all ended when she went into AL but, even then, when I thought/think the heat is on, I bring old faithful along.

APS does not consider anything above 20db to be a family discussion. They consider it yelling. If mom is yelling, they can medicate her. If visitors are yelling, they will simply be banned from the premises. So consider how you want things to proceed. Speak softly and if she yells, leave.

Yes we have mom was missing for twenty days. Found her in a state run facility. The grandson had used an old poa of moms daughter (I am daughter in law) he moved into her house when daughter had taken her (against moms wishes and son had no say) so mom lived in Iowa for ten months was brought back and dropped at her home grandson had her committed and told them son wasn't taking care of her after the state contacted my husband he had filled missing persons report as we didn't know he'd done that. The state issued a letter of complaint from the grandson and after investigation they issued letter stating my husband had done nothing wrong. Moms in AL now but getting ready to put her on NH as dementia continues to rob her of her brain and logic!! I agree with the others don't argue. Wave the room whatever it takes. Even if she's been that way her whole life. Mom has been. If the have dementia their brain is broken broken broken argue with that tree in the yard it will be as productive. So so sorry. Such a terrible time.

Stay calm. Stay calm. stay calm.

Do not yell. Do not raise your voice. If you feel you cannot control yourself, leave immediately. If your mom is in nursing home, then she is taken care of and you do not need to be there. If the situation deteriorates, leave. Try to keep visits calm. And have witnesses for that, too. Bring a friend.

You say "spirited". Maybe you and your Mom are a little too loud and disturb the other patients. Or the words u use boarder on verbal abuse. Does ur Mom have dementia or Alzhemiers? If so, may have to pick ur battles or don't argue at all. Its a losing battle with a dementia patient.

If there is an investigation, ask to see the written complaint. Obviously somebody asked for the investigators, and obviously they decided there was enough validity to what was.claimed to be happening, that they decided it was worth looking into. If the claims are unfounded, you could file a counter-claim for defamation of character, waste of your time, etc . .get a lawyer.