3 way disagreement. What should I do?

Your brother has Power Of Attorney, and with that goes Responsibility For Mother. If he won't share the authority and the load with you, fine - let him do it all if that's how he wants it.

Suegirl: Time for you to go and let them hire the help. Your mother will not change except for the worse. Brother can arrange the care and each can pay their share toward the care. Yours at worst will be some fraction of the total.

I'm out of the loop. I take care of Mom, her needs and there's good times if she always has her way. I have cleaned out and organized everything. I've washed windows, bought $ 500. Shampooer, done all carpets. Gave her $500. 90 birthday party.bought new clothes and shoes. And yet she doesn't trust me. I have a Brother that's Poa, which is fine, he doesn't want me on Heapa either.I feel like I'm the slave, and am resented by Mother.

You say you are weary from the battle and that is so accurate. I sounds like it's time for a meeting with all her children (the three of you?) to talk about your mom's condition and the future. It is important for everyone to be talking together and planning together, on the same page. And it's also important to share information with each other so that the planning can be appropriate.

Good luck, it is a sometimes difficult journey we are all in, taking care of a loved one who's health is declining.

I came here immediately after she fainted in rest room. She had flu and pneumonia. She could have died.when. I call her 3 times a day from Ca. She doesn't want to live in Ca.The three of us don't agree on very much.I have gave it all I can for 2/12 months. I can't do this anymore and am going home.i don't feel anyone in the East has my back and agree with me. I ' m weary from Battle.

What is the 3-way disagreement?

Is the "horrible mess" the result of hoarding? Is the "staying with Mom" temporary or do you live with her?

What is your question for us?

Would she agree to someone else being her advocate? She may have issues with you that she just can't get over. Someone needs to be able to talk to the doctor and HIPAA is just vague enough that some doctors really go overboard with the privacy and some just about ignore it (in my experience). Is she too far in her dementia to sign a Power of Attorney for finances and medical or has she done that already?

Good luck to you on being able to do any cleaning or repairs. Usually they balk at that, too.

Do you go to the appointments with her? Doctor may just talk to you anyway, if you become familiar to him as her caregiver.