We chose not to tell my Mom with dementia, that Dad died. Is it too late to tell her?

If she already seems to suspect something is up, and depending on her exact condition, you might want to tell her. If she's going to go to the funeral, she'll need to be told.

By the way, my mom was really close to her sister-in-law but was not feeling well-enough to travel to another state for the funeral when her sister-in-law died. She's never quite gotten over the fact that she wasn't able to go. She didn't get her closure, I suppose. She does sometimes forget the sister-in-law has passed away and is sad when I remind her but, in her case, it seems easier. Once, again, it depends on the person.

However, Mom has been kind of down since her sister-in-law passed away. That was the last contemporary she had that she felt really close to. Even living with my husband and me, I think she now feels really alone but doesn't know exactly how to express, now that her language skills are fading.

We had a similar experience with my mom, who thought her mother had just passed. Grandma has been gone over 30 years. She was very upset & insisting we call her sister. In talking to her I explained that grandma has been gone for a long time & while we talked about how she passed mom seemed to remember some key aspects of her illnes before she died. She was still upset yet much calmer. We haven't had that problem yet with my dad's passing & we know it's a matter of time before it comes up. I find it's better to talk through what's on their mind, if possible, and not withhold any information unless it's a necessity to do so. It all depends on your loved one & how they deal with certain issues & the relationship you have with that person.

I may be facing this situation soon myself and have wondered how to deal with it. There have been some good posts on this site but no easy answer. Every situation is different. My dad has terrible short term memory and if mom should die I would have to remind him every few minutes that she is gone. I don't think I could get by with fibbing because she hasn't been able to travel for years and has been a permanent fixture at home. If the situation arises I'll probably go a head and tell him, no matter how many times it takes, and maybe he will eventually come to understand that she is gone in some way. I would be interested in what others may have experienced in this regard.

He was in a rehab center and she lives with me. They were seperated for a month before he passed. I expressed that she feels something bad happened last week and they (her children) are hiding it from her.

She may even ask after you tell her...If you think it's too much for her to handle, then tell her he had to take a trip to visit his siblings, help an old friend, or just divert the question. She knows... she probable feels his absence. Did they live together? Or is one in a care facility? Maybe just say, do you know, we thought he told you he has to help an old friend......