I am currently the only caregiver to an 84 yr old gentleman, I am with him normally 3 days a week for approx 5/6 hrs on those days. I started working with him in Jan of this year right after his wife passed. (Jan 1st). Since that time I've noticed several changes. I do believe we are possibly dealing with early stages of dementia. With these changes, my days have slowly gone from three days a week to 4 to 5 to sometimes 7. He lives 47 minutes away so getting to him quickly isn't really an option not to mention I have a family with teenage children as well as a baby in the home. With no family to turn to on his side to ask for help, am finding it more and more difficult to care for him as is needed. I've exhausted all options as far as home care, assisted living,adult day care etc. These are not an option for him as he owns his own home and also makes just over the limit with is SS. As to be expected he adamantly refuses to speak of a nursing home. My question is what do I do when I'm not enough? I've been told to contact APS but ultimately if he refuses help from them their hands are ties as well. The situation has gotten to the point that he makes me feel guilty that cant stay with him. We've even has arguments about this. I feel like I'm at a point where I need to protect him but also myself. Has anyone been in this situation that could offer any advise?? It would be much appreciated !!
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We have been to visit three different community living facilities yet he cant afford this option. The only thing he can really still do for himself is hygiene. he is unable to cook and clean due to his posture which has him almost completely "bent over" so at this time I do it all, cooking, cleaning, laundry, groceries, transportation, bills etc.
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The poor fellow is probably still in mourning since it has only been January when his wife passed on... was the wife living at home or was she in a nursing home? Do you have a sense that she did most of the work around the house or did he help out? Can he do things for himself, like the laundry, the cooking, the bill paying?
He might need to bite the bullet and move to a retirement community where he would be around people of his own age group, where he can start bonding with new people and make some friends.
Maybe he isn't aware that today's retirement communities are so vastly different from what he thinks they are. Maybe set up a lunch at one of these places and take him there, telling him they are offering free lunches today, so let's go see what it is all about. Who knows, he might like the place :)
I would think you would only have to worry about your shift since you are paid help.. or how it should be anyway..