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cottmanfamily Asked April 2015

With an ailing grandparent, a stressed caregiver and limited income, where do we go from here?

My family and I are in need of some advice and support. Two years ago, my mother-in-law unexpectedly committed suicide. We were shocked and pained, naturally but also blindsided by the funeral costs. She didn't have any money saved up and was only living off money she got from the government. We have savings but pretty much live pay-check to pay-check. My sister-in-law, was fresh out of high school with no savings. It took alot. Since then, my sister-in-law was left with the task of caring for my grandmother-in-law, who is now blind and has had many visits to the hospital as of late. According to my sister-in-law, she's basically given up. She doesn't eat most of the time, she can barely get around and she just sits around. On top of all this, my sister-in-law also has a 1 year old. The only money she gets is from the government paying her to take care of her grandmother. We love just over 2 hours away and try to help as much as possible but we're not sure what to do now. Should and can my sister-in-law get life insurance on her to cover the funeral costs? Should we really look into Hospice to give my sister-in-law a break? We've never been through this and really, have no family to ask. Any advice would be appreciated greatly!

terryjack1 May 2015
Check into hospice care, it can be a great program and will offer her some relief. I see a lot of people going for cremation instead of a regular burial-there is a huge price difference. Life insurance to assist with the expensed would be costly depending on her age, but she can look into it to determine if it's affordable. Be as supportive as you can, living away make it difficult to be hands on, but you do what you can. I am a caregiver so I am aware how difficult it can be. It's not always an 'easy' job. Family must be important to her. I wish her luck.

HelpingPrents May 2015
Depending on what state she lives in, she may qualify for hospice or nursing home care under Medicaid. Its worth it to check. I feel for your family and economic times are so difficult for a lot of families. Kudos to the young lady taking care of a relative with a small child. Sounds like grandma is depressed and yes....given up. I would check with ALL resources in your area - not just government. Benevolent funds through your community churches, charitable organizations that deal with seniors, etc., even social media is a good way to reach out to everyone that you need help.
Hugz to your family and hang in there.

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nowmymomsmom May 2015
Sister in law probably gets the Medicaid nursing home diversion program to keep elders out of nursing homes, it is NOT alot of money they pay but something, if she cares for her 24/7 she is making way below minimum wage!.It is cheaper for the goverment to pay a family member/friend then to put them in a Nursing Home. Hospice for respite care would be good for SIL then you can look into seeing if she qualifies for placement in Hospice permanantly if she is close to death or Medicaid and a nursing home if not. Your young sister in law should have a life with her child and not be burdened with this at such a young age. Why was she left with the care of a grand mother inlaw? Why not the grandmothers own family?
You can probaly get a burial policy...not much ...but highly doubtful on the life insurance unless you pay very high premiums and probaly a 2 year exclusion.Again talk to Hospice, her doctors they might give you some insight on how long she has left. Was grandpa or grandma in the service? The VA will help with burial expenses at a VA cemetary- burial or creamation.
Does grandma own her home and does SIL live there?.....can you sell the home or rent the home for income to pay expenses if it look like grandma will be around awhile or get a reverse mortgage on the home for income to pay expenses and help with other caregivers? Maybe to help with costs or move them closer to you so there would be 3 people to help intsead of just one with a newborn ?.Just a few thoughts...good luck and hugz..

cottmanfamily Apr 2015
I'll have to ask my husband to see what she is on, if anything. I didn't know of maybe there was a program to help with funeral costs maybe. I knew life insurance was a long shot because of her health, I mean, it's basically right around the corner. We just wanted to prepare for this better that when it happened with the MIL. We've been saving for it we just want to make sure we're doing all we should be to make this easiest as we can. We're all pretty young with no family besides ourselves to turn to. Googling this stuff just makes it more overwhelming!

geewiz Apr 2015
Would your Grandmother-in-law qualify for Medicaid? That might allow for her to live in a nursing home. It would be good to know for future if not current use. As for the funeral expenses . . . Medicaid pays for bare bones funerals in my state, but each state is different. Life insurance purchases depend upon age, health, risk factors. She may not even qualify, but where would the money for premiums come from?

cottmanfamily Apr 2015
Okay yea I just wasn't sure. I could be wrong on getting it from the government exactly, I just know she goes through some program that set her up and helped train her to take care of her grandmother and now, that's how she makes her income. I'd have to ask her exactly what program it is.

freqflyer Apr 2015
Depending on your grandmother's age, chances might be slim on getting her life insurance.... and on the off chance you could, there might be a clause where if your grandmother passes away within 6 months of obtaining life insurance, the company won't honor the insurance.

You mentioned that your sister-in-law gets money from the government to take care of your grandmother. Curious what program that would be.

cottmanfamily Apr 2015
Thank you so much. I agree but she wanted to take it on at first...she had basically been helping her mother do it before she passed. She's done so well and we are so proud of her but I knew it was getting to be too much which is why I'm seeking help for us. Thanks again!

Eyerishlass Apr 2015
Call a hospice company. You can get a referral through your grandmother's Dr. See who they recommend.

This granddaughter must be pretty young and shouldn't be saddled with a sick old lady. Hospice will give her some respite.

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