How would you handle this?

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BarbBrooklyn Asked May 2015

How would you handle this?

My mom is 92, in a NH and has aphasia from a stroke. Some days she's fairly fluent, other days, a word or phrase is all that comes out. So I visit today and she says "I want to talk to you" gesturing that we should go out of her room. So I take her to the parlor and she manages to get out "they've all turned against me ", something about "the girls", something about someone who works upstairs and finally, "something is different". She was rather upset telling me all this, but at the end she said "I feel so much better". She's clearly unbidden ed herself, but to her clueless daughter! Anyone have any good ideas?

My mom has vascular dementia and was somewhat paranoid right after the stroke, but has been fairly stable mentally and emotionally for the last year or so.

Alzheimer's & Dementia

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score 1 · Answer 1

Garden Artist, you are so funny? A biker babe? I got my motorcycle license 22 years ago, rode in some charity runs with my husband and had a dandy good time. The bad bikers are what we call "one percenters"; they are about 1% of the biker population, but they get all the press coverage. Women who ride are independent, have good balance and never put up with BS. Good people.

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score 0 · Answer 2

the vascular dementia probably has something to do with this. Speak with her doctor about your observations, I've seen clients do the same. She may not even recognize the fact that her thoughts are jumbled. When she states she feels better now, I always 'play' along and say that's good-I'm glad. Sometimes that's all we can do. She may think she's making perfect sense when she's not. Just be supportive and spend time with her for you never know when she will leave you for good. Time together is important. enjoy her while you can.

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score 0 · Answer 3

My mom with dementia told me the same thing this weekend. She was "living" back in 1948 when she worked in the office of a local shoe factory, and she was convinced the shop had been sold. Something was going on! I told her I had checked into it, it didn't have anything to do with us, and we were OK. Oh, boy....

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score 0 · Answer 4

I would just pat her hand, and smile at her. Your Mum has talked with you about that has been bothering her. Does it matter that you don't understand too much of what she has said? She thinks you understand, and you do. The little white lie works wonders, for your Mum's peace and mind and for you also.
All the best.

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score 0 · Answer 5

As others, I listen and have used the phrase, "I'll look into it", and I do. It is important to have a couple of staff who will listen to you and give honest responses. If all is well, as far as I can tell, I usually leave it alone as she will probably forget about it. If something needs attention, it gets it. If she doesn't mention it again, I don't bring it up whether I have done something or not, as she has probably forgotten about it. If she does bring it up I can tell her what I have done and that things are OK.

If there is a pattern of increasing paranoia then I think you need to talk to her geri-psych about treatment (meds) to help it.

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score 0 · Answer 6

Garden, so nice to see you! Yes, I'm going to call the social worker tomorrow and let her know. She's pretty good at scoping things out. Thanks to you all!

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score 2 · Answer 7

I agree with the answers but would double check with the staff just to be sure there isn't anything else going on. Residents can interact negatively and sometimes the staff won't be aware of it.

I recall when my aunt was in a facility and was so unhappy because her possessions were being stolen. She was lucid, there was no question that she was imagining things. Stuff happens - all residents aren't reliable.

When my mother was in a SNF the first time, another woman was brought in post-stroke. When she was able to recover enough to speak, she told us she used to ride with a motorcycle gang. She used that term.

That revelation made me stop and think - who knows what the backgrounds are of the other residents? (And we kept Mom away from the former motorcycle mama.)

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score 2 · Answer 8

Bless her little heart. Honestly. Yeah, I'm with others who think sympathizing and "i've got this, mom," is the way to go. It worked with my mom. She just wanted validation. I gave it to her, and she was fine.

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score 2 · Answer 9

Yes. Tell a little white lie. "I will check this out. I will take care of it."

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score 1 · Answer 10

I don't know....If she says They have all turned against me!.......try no mom I talked to them and they are fine. I'm grasping at straws here, but it works with my dad. Read some of the stuff on this site about dealing with dementia. It helped me with my dad.

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