Is it ok for my husband to give POA to his grandson who is 26?

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Velitha Asked May 2015

Is it ok for my husband to give POA to his grandson who is 26?

He's suffering from poor eyesight and has some form of dementia. My husband of 25 years tells his family that I'm trying to kill him, and I'm ripping him off. I'm not in good health and the stress is getting too much for me to handle, I feel as if I'm under a microscope now that his family are all coming out of the woodworks. I try to explain to them the changes that I've seen in him but, I don't think they want to hear it. He had become so paranoid that he changed the locks on the house with keys that can't be duplicated, he swore that I gave someone a key to get into the house as soon as he leaves it. He stops telling me when he has appointments as I would let people know he's away so they can come in and interfere with his things.I went to see his GP a while ago, to ask him to refer my husband to a geriatrician but he declined , saying my husband has to ask for the referral himself, and he sees nothing wrong with him cause when he comes to see him they would have normal conversations. He suggested I divorce him and then have the courts arrange for him to be assessed. He's accused me of infidelity, and call me horrible names, so now we're going to the bank with his grandson who he wants to be his eyes and ears from now on.

Power of Attorney (POA)

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score 1 · Answer 1

Addressing only your question regarding rights to the home you share, how is title vested? Do you and your husband hold title jointly, with rights to the survivor? Are there any other people whose names are shown on the title deed?

If you don't have a copy of the recorded deed to the house, call or go to your local county's register of deeds (or something similarly described) and ask to get a copy. It would be easier if you have either a Sidwell (property ID) or property legal description.

Given your concern about all the issues now, and if you plan to stay in the house, that's something you might want to move to the top of your "to-do" list.

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score 0 · Answer 2

Vel, many of us are in similar situations. Who has his powers of attorney. In my case a vindictive sib does, soI am makimng my plans completely independent of whatever the twisted sister decides to do. And in my case, I have a home, though cannot return to it because there was a fire in August. So, I will be off and out of here in a week and a half as mom is being placed in a facility. I have been providing her care for nearly four years. I am done, will figure out my life one way or another. I do not need vindictiveness and spite in my life, no more sisters. Done with sibs, done with care, now is my time to take care of me. I do not know where I will be by the middle of next month, but am hopeful that all things will work out. I have done my time.

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score 0 · Answer 3

How do I find out about my rights regarding the home we share? My husband and his family are up to something, and I'm afraid that I'll be out on the streets,as there are many of them and one of me. I think they're worried about their inheritance, before he started declining he was lucky to get two calls a month from them. I desperately need to do something soon before I end up with a stroke, I just don`t want to leave without a plan.

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score 0 · Answer 4

Typically the spouse would be the decision maker, however I have seen power of attorney given to adult children and responsible grandchildren. I don't think it would be inappropriate however the grandson must be responsible and there needs to be some sort of checks and balances to make sure he doesn't make inappropriate decisions. There could be a POA with you first and if something happens to you, then a child or grandson would be named to take over. Speak with an elder law attorney, or if you qualify you can contact legal aid. I've seen this type of behavior from those with dementia, it's not uncommon. It is difficult. Contact your local chapter of the Alzheimer's association and ask for behavior tips. Before his dementia get to advanced, he may want to complete an advance directive/living will; this will ensure his wishes for his medical care would be honored in the event he became unable to communicate his wishes. The area agency on aging has a legal referral program, they also should have a caregiver support program that you may benefit from. Good luck;

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score 1 · Answer 5

Velitha, petition the court for a Guardian to be appointed for him. It does not have to be you. The court will evaluate him for competency.

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score 0 · Answer 6

He does have a will,(Gladimhere) but I think he's already changed it, after telling his family I'm ripping him off amongst other horrible things. His grandson now has to have a say in every financial decisions we make from now on, i feel so alone and desperately need to exit this nightmare. The family thinks I'm trying to have him commited, they're not seeing his decline, and they believe what he tells them.I have devoted 33 years of my life to this man, (married for 25 of them) and now is being treated like someone who just walk in off the streets to take advantage of their father and grandfather.He treated my daughter horribly when she was growing up, and I can't forgive myself for ignoring his treatment of her, she was very unhappy and left after high school.
I have so many regrets, if only one could forsee the future.

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score 1 · Answer 7

This must be terrible for you. Do you need to get out if this situation and let his family take over? Chances are he will eventually become paranoid about the grandson also. From what you describe he may be developing some from of dementia which many times includes paranoia. People who are not with him as much won't see his decline like you will, and you can't convince someone with dementia that anything is wrong. There's good info on this site about recognizing the signs of dementia and how to deal with it.

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score 1 · Answer 8

Ideally you would be your husband's POA but at 26 the grandson should be mature enough to be POA. It might be rather inconvenient though.

I'm sorry you're going through this with your husband. It must be very frustrating.

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score 0 · Answer 9

I would start with a call to Adult Protective Services. Tell them your story, they may be able to assist you or your husband or both. Requests for investigation are kept confidental. You husband from the sounds of it has dementia. And you are right, he should see a geriatrician.

Unfortunately, he has the right to assign anybody he wants as POA as long as he can understand in the moment, what he is signing. What a difficult situation.

APS would be required by law to respond within three days and do an assessment of hubby's care needs. You may need protection from other family members, let APS know about what you need too. Is there a will or anything?

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Is it ok for my husband to give POA to his grandson who is 26?

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