Distant brothers try to sue the caregiver sister. How do I get this to end?

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stmagaaubr Asked May 2015

Distant brothers try to sue the caregiver sister. How do I get this to end?

I was the caregiver/POA/Executor for my parents,designated by my parents, before my parents were ever ill. I was the only daughter and also an RN. When I moved away from home, my parents followed 6 months later.
My father died from complications associated with Pulmonary Fibrosis, in January 2011. My mother died March 2012 when the Flu struck her hard, having multiple co morbidities. She had no fight in her and wanted to be with the love of her her life for 55 years. I was able to keep dad at home, and he died in his home. Mom had to go to skilled care for strengthening, being there 3 1/2 months, died in the hospital.I had quit my job as an RN in the ER to care for them and we were best friends! I had a family as well, and they also helped with cares many times. The brothers didn't help at all.
I had followed all dad and mom's requests as far as healthcare, finances, etc. Dad set up 3 CD's for me for the years I cared for them.(nothing close to what I would have made in the ER) They also left me their car since I was the one that hauled them everywhere for years. Their home and IRA was split 4 ways.
The brothers are dissatisfied with how mom and dad left things, claiming I abused my POA and stole from my parents by way of the CD's ,car,belongings, etc. Their claims and accusations are unbelievable. They have harassed me to the point I had to dissociate myself from them and block all contact per advice from the Sheriff. They are on their third lawyer, and I gave up the Executor position to the oldest brother. They have bullied everyone that has been involved and didn't pay any of them. The judge told their lawyer that this is a frivolous law suit, but they could go ahead if they want.
I had a Deposition with this third lawyer this week. They had an audit done and I answered all questions with documentation to back it up. Their lawyer told my lawyer that I "blew the m out of the water".
There is much more to the story, but I just need advice as to how this will end up and if it ever will end. There is no estate, just a few taxes to pay, which they wouldn't pay in 2012, so now their is tax plus interest. This has been more stressful than being a caregiver for my parents. The family has been torn apart. I have one brother that supports me, the other 3 are on the attack.
I am tired of paying a lawyer to defend me when I have done nothing wrong.

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score 1 · Answer 1

So happy for you that you won! Justice finally prevailed! :)

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score 2 · Answer 2

Two cents..I don't understand your comment at all. Sorry. Everyone else, thank you. It has been a long and expensive 5 years. But, they lost and will have to find another destructive way to deal with their guilt.

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score 1 · Answer 3

Very cool! So happy for you!!
Nurses are patient I know, but you get the Florence Nightengale Award for this!
Congratulations!

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score 1 · Answer 4

Praise the Lord! So HAPPY FOR YOU! Wishing you many Blessings, Peace and God Bless!

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score 6 · Answer 5

YEAH. I won! Verdict came in today. Thanks for the prayers!

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score 1 · Answer 6

If everything was split according to the will why did u give up executorship? Did probate sign off? If u gave up executorship, the taxes, etc are brothers problem now not ur. POA was revoked at time of death. Let me guess, brothers had nothing to do with parents while alive. Someone needs to make a judgement that brothers do not have a leg to stand on.

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score 0 · Answer 7

you have no idea how much i dislike 'famblee'. My mom had similar 'famblee' and an extremely similar situation. Forunately, the judge in her case tossed it. Perhaps 50 years ago they had more common sense. I cannot be sure in your case, but I think a lot of these cases that would have been tossed years ago are presided by the judges that grew up in todays 'unicorn' culture. Make sure it's faaaair. Do not judge the plaintiffs, they are just unhaaappy.
And for those of you thinking about having a baby to provide the older kid a sibling because they deserve it, they need plaaaymates... well just read the original post here. Much of the problems encountered here, with all I've read, is the 'famblee' dynamics that have been in existence for all their time. It is sad, but even in these circumstances they still act out. God bless and hang in there.

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score 1 · Answer 8

Praying this gets resolved, feel for you. God bless.

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score 1 · Answer 9

I'm praying for you and a positive verdict. I have a strong feeling that they're going to get their butt's kicked. At that that's what I'm hoping for.
Blessings,
Jamie

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score 1 · Answer 10

I still don't get it -- how long can it take? And my understanding is that the clerks do the review anyway. Plus I'm surprised the court would allow such a late date for the report from the court reporter. Just doesn't seem right. At least not in the light of justice, because you're still suffering all this time, even though you should win. How have you held up all this time, just from being 'beaten down' by people who should care about you? That part is so hard for me sometimes; my saving grace is my God. I find myself in a cycle of bitterness and repentance.

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score 0 · Answer 11

Supposedly there was s a shortage of judges. The court reporter didn't turn in her report until April.

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score 1 · Answer 12

Thanks for the update. I'm shocked that it's taking so long to get a verdict. And, yes, I'm still praying for you.

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score 2 · Answer 13

Please continue to pray for me because still no verdict. Unbelievable how long this takes. Court by judge was in January 2017. My attorney still says he feels good about the case but I won't feel settled until I hear "not guilty" on my part.

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score 1 · Answer 14

Talkey
Thank you. I will pray for you as well. I understood your comments in the way you intended. I will post as soon as I hear a decision.

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score 0 · Answer 15

Oh, Rovana, I agree in part. But I also believe that I should do my part to see that Dad is taken care of, even if I'm not providing the care, and because he can't. But --that's for me, and I certainly don't feel compelled to obey.

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score 2 · Answer 16

Talkey, honoring your parents, assuming you are not a minor child, simply obliges you to help them out if they become destitute - it does not require you to maintain a "family" relationship with them, or to obey them, etc. Sometimes, where there is abuse, children will need to keep a distance.

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score 3 · Answer 17

Oh, I just came online to see if you had responded. What perfect timing! I will continue in prayer for you as you wait. Know that you're not alone now :)

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score 1 · Answer 18

No decision yet. The Iowa court systems are very behind from what I have been told.
As for those caring for their parent, keep a daily journal. Then you have proof. I had that!

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score 3 · Answer 19

Are you at the point of a decision? As my heart is heavy for you, I see this as a possibility in my future. I've said so many times that I never could have guessed that my siblings and I would be where we are at this point in our lives. God said to "honor your parents." Period ...not if you're not busy or don't have much money or just don't want to. It's such a hard job that most of us are so unprepared for, and it leaves little time to deal with our own emotions as Mom/Dad decline. I'm walking thru it a day at a time, in God's grace.

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score 5 · Answer 20

My heart goes out to you as well. I just came upon this too.

It hit home for me because I have 3 older brothers, one who died during the course of caring for my mom (& he was the only caring sensible one), and 2 who gave me nothing but grief...along with their wives, their grown sons, and even an ex-wife!!! I felt so alone, heartbroken, angry, frustrated, disillusioned, .... you name it,...I felt it.
My mom is now in AL but I'm still a wreck after all the stress and the family division is still active. 😞
Take care of yourself. They sure won't! !!

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score 2 · Answer 21

Court was 1/24/2017 not 2016

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score 4 · Answer 22

We had court 1/24/16. Still no verdict. My attorney says they have nothing but it's up to the judge. I've gained about 30 lbs over the stress of this, more stressful than caring for my parents. Looking back, I would do everything the same, just as my parents asked. Those three brothers have real issues, mostly guilt for their lack of involvement, and jealousy of me and my family that were so close to my parents.
I've had peopl praying for a positive outcome and I pray daily that God reminds me to trust and give it all to Him.

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score 3 · Answer 23

I just came across your post, and my heart is heavy for all that you have gone thru. I do hope that all turned out well for you. If it's not over, please know that someone cares.

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score 0 · Answer 24

I"m in need of encouragement and advice if you have any.

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score 2 · Answer 25

The saga continues. My Lawyer died late March and I have had to get another attorney. I did ask for a jury when the court date comes up, sometime in January 2017. I figured a jury will end this frivolous lawsuit. My attorney also counter sued for the money I have spent defending myself. I have no idea what their claims are now. The audit they had done proved that all money was accounted for, and I stole nothing. Sometimes I feel like this is two small town attorneys filling their pockets.

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score 1 · Answer 26

Well. this was suppose to end 12/31/15. I did the Deposition last February and proved that I did nothing wrong or steal any money. I had documentation to show it. Today, I was served papers by the Sheriff..again..this time them stating they are going to sue me. My Lawyer just said they have no proof of anything and decided to just prolong it again, and this was the only way they could continue. They waited to serve me these papers 3 days before Christmas. What family does that? I just need to vent. They are real losers in my book. My parents would be embarrassed! So more money to defend myself, and more prayers that I can keep a positive attitude. I just think of how miserable and unhappy they must be to do this to me continually for almost 4 years now. Time for a new Lawyer? BTW, my lawyer was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer a few months ago. I may have to start over. Im not feeling that Christmas Spirit at this moment.

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score 4 · Answer 27

Mincemeat, you did make me laugh. Thank you to others who have responded. The comment, " that the brothers' behavior has nothing to do with law - their claim has already been shown to have no basis - and everything to do with picking a fight. The only way not to prolong the fight is not to join in", has been my gut reaction since this started. They just continue to harass. I just have to let it go and keep moving forward I guess. I try not to give them any satisfaction in knowing they are very hurtful. I was their only sister and always gave to them without expecting in return. When I look back, I did give and got nothing back, but I don't care. My parents taught me to be the bigger person even if you have to swallow your pride. I do not let people bully me though. I walk away!
Thank you everyone!!!

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score 1 · Answer 28

Lawyers who works for the poor ('welfare lawyer ') have no problem dragging things out. Fave sister's ex boyfriend went to one to fight for custody of the their kids. Sis lawyer charged hundreds of dollars an hour. Due to the mounting legal fees, she didn't fight as hard as she could because it would just drag it on.

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score 2 · Answer 29

I'm not experienced in US litigation at all! (unless you count close following of John Grisham, who is a terrific but lazy writer - but I digress…) - but what strikes me is that the brothers' behaviour has nothing to do with law - their claim has already been shown to have no basis - and everything to do with picking a fight. The only way not to prolong the fight is not to join in. And call me cynical, but no matter how streamlined the courts aim to be there is no legal system that cannot be subverted to achieve a kind of perpetual motion… Just don't start. It all costs good money.

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score 1 · Answer 30

CM and Brandywine, I'm curious...if you don't mind explaining, why would you advise not to countersue?

Obviously I'm not experienced in litigation throughout the US, but in Michigan, suits of the nature in question don't drag on for years. Specific milestones are established to keep the suits running through the dockets. Complex litigation and class action suits are more likely to be long and protracted.

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Distant brothers try to sue the caregiver sister. How do I get this to end?

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