How do my husband and I know when the time has come for us not to live alone?

I doubt there are too many elderly checking themselves into nursing homes. If I were you (and we will be soon) I would find a place that had "graduated services." For now, a small cottage-like single family home where you are completely independent except for outside maintenance -- all done by the facility. Then, as you get older, the ability to move into assisted living within the same facility. And, finally, the ability to transition into full blown (or some version thereof) nursing care.

Few of us have the foresight to plan this way. Many don't have the resources. But, in a perfect world, where we want to be in charge of when/where/how? This is an excellent option.

coachmaggie, I lived in a retirement community in TX. We had one or two people in their late 60s-early 70s who needed a lot of help. They were inactive people who were just waiting for God. Then we had people in their late 80s-90s who were still dancing and needed little help. You will know when you need help. Often the need comes if there is an illness or a broken bone. Many people go into assisted living first and reserve NHs for extreme incapacity. You don't sound anything near that to me.

It's great that you are still so active and able bodied, and you have a caring daughter. This is a tough question. My wife and I have no kids or anyone else to look after us when we begin to fail. Like anyone else we don't want to end up losing our ability to reason due to bad health and dementia and end up in some h*ll hole facility. The only solution I can come up with is to get into a retirement assited living community and make advance directives with the staff for a higher level of care when the time comes. Don't wait until one of you is mentally incompetent.

My mom said it was her privilege and her joy to look and take care of us kids, and now the roles have reversed...We, your daughter, are changing roles. it will be her privilege to make sure you and dad are safe...

You are not ready. MY geriatrics are in their 80's with issues from physical and mental...But your daughter is doing her job....Next time you visit her, in her area, plan appointments with a few places, 6 packs, micro communities, senior living, etc. Schedule a meeting with them along with lunch take a tour...She will feel better, and you may too. You don't have to commit, but look around.