My husband won't go to the doctor. Last month he started mixing up his words. What can I do?

Shirls1945 - No he refuses to go to the dr. Our son & daughter have tried to persuade him but he still says that nothing is wrong. Our daughter even asked him about could he possibly have Alzheimer's like his mom but he said no he wasn't that bad. He has good days and bad days. So when I get up in the morning I can usually tell if it is going to be a good day if he smiles and speaks to me, if not I kind of walk on eggshells all day waiting to see what happens. Thank you for your concern. I am sorry to hear about your husband's not being able to sit up or walk alone, but I am glad that his mind is back. Take care of yourself and I will be praying for you both!

Missingmylove I do hope that your problem has been resolved. My husband started mixing up his words and refused to go to the doctor between Dec 6 and 18 last year. On Dec 18 we took him to the ER. He was admitted and a week later it was discovered he had a tumour on his spinal cord. He was operated on and subsequently was in hospital for six months. Now he can't sit up alone or walk - his muscles have wasted away. He is back home and has his mind back but needs a lot of rehab and exercise if he is ever going to be able to leave the house again. A couple of million rand has been spent on his treatment. If he had not tried to save a few hundred right at the start by waiting for the new year thing may have been different - or maybe not. I do hope your husband has been persuaded to see his doctor. I know how stressful such stubborn refusal can be for you.

Missingmylove, my Mother thought my Father was her Father at times. When she would forget who I was, she would be jealous of my attention to him. When she realized I was there for her, she would settle down. When my Grandfather, had Dementia from small strokes, or hardening of the arteries, he did exactly as you are describing, to my Grandmother. It got to a point that he was angry and resented her interference, a non violent man, he became violent and physically hurt her to get past the locked doors...It is your choice, but you need to go speak to his doctor, and tell him what you are experiencing. Once they reach a certain stage they are not capable, and you become liable. It is a very hard choice to make for someone you love and respect, your loyalty to him and respect for his wishes can cause a delay that could be important to catch him at early onset, of strokes, dementia, or Alzheimer and stop it from progressing further..What you are doing is not disrespectful or disloyal to him. You are care giving for him..helping him. The doctors will tell him that. You are not choosing for him to go elsewhere you are trying to keep him with you.. Prayers to you and your family

Any news, missingmylove? Hope you've been able to get somewhere with this difficult situation.

I'm assuming you have the ability to speak with his physician and so I'd suggest that you contact his MD's office to set up an appointment for you & your son to go over hubby's medical records from the last year or two annual checkups. But before this visit write down a list of what your & your son's concerns are about hubs & any info on diseases in his family. You may have to private pay for the visit as it likely isn't easily a coded item for medicare. It could well be that his doc has told hubs of problems and that hubs is unwilling to have a reality check on what his health is like. You are right now dependent on what he tells you, that's the situation, right? well he may be keeping things from you and justifying all to himself.

Pams idea of having Sonny drive with dad is most excellent. ANother good way to see cognitive ability is to have him "help" you with a recipe. See if you can get him to do a recipe that is very straightforward with you. Pick a recipe that you know pretty well and ask hubs to read you the ingredients and the procedures while you do the recipe. Make an excuse that you have trouble reading it, or get the directions all confused, whatever works so that he has to read it to you. Do it so that he has to review & repeat more than one time - like Did you say that was 1/4 stick of butter? or 1/3? have him cut the butter. Ask was that blend the eggs& milk first then vanilla or all together? Make yourself some notes after you do this and share with his doc at the next visit when you go with him. Recipes are really good for testing cognition as they have math, reading and sequential processing involved.

Call his MD and report your concerns. Maybe at the next checkup, which I hope is soon, the MD can order bloodwork and a CT or MRI. Would he allow the son to go with him? If the son rides as a passenger, he can observe Dad's driving skills, which would be helpful.

Yogagirl I wish you all the luck in the world. I pray that the tests help you to find an answer. Thank all of you for your concern and help. It helps me some to just put my feelings down and not keep them bottled up inside. May God Bless you all and again thank you from the bottom of my heart!!

Missingmylove, I understand what you must be feeling. In my case, it's both my parents. Worse, this is your hubby. Mom refused to see a Dr and my sister and I were the only ones noticing that she couldn't even finish a sentence. Within a few months her back was hurting from helping the nurse lift my dad off the floor before the paramedics arrived for him. I called her Dr before we arrived to have her back checked and alerted him to my other concerns. He did a brief standard verbal test and then ordered a MRI of her brain. I took her for the MRI, which she hated.She wouldn't stay still in the tube so they let me remove any metal and be with her. I practically crawled in the tube with her, I want answers so bad. I forgot that my bra has metal and it was pinching me from the magnetic pull. Tomorrow we see Dr to discuss her tests. Mom thinks this is about her back. This should be interesting. Wish me luck.

As you already sense, this is going nowhere good - if he has anything reversible going on, it needs to be addressed soon or it won't be. One option, if he is at least going to the doctor's and you know who it is, would be that you can communicate your concerns, as concretely and objectively as possible, to the doctor even if communication back to you won't be forthcoming at least at first. Another option is to see if he would listen to your son, who probably also sees what is happening either by himself, or as part of a family intervention of sorts. You know, "we're worried about you, we know you hate what is happening and wish it wasn't, we love you, we think there might be help but in order to get it we will have to have a really good medical evaluation", etc... Of course the FIRST time it comes to anything physically violent or dangerous, you go to ER. Here's hoping it does not have to wait until something happens that can no longer be denied.

I suppose you could also tell him to post on here about his complaint that he is seeing a doctor every year for his annual physical and everything is FINE and how can he get his spouse to stop bugging him just because he forgets a few minor things occasionally...I'd bet a bunch of us could help set him straight!

He might be embarrassed, frightened, or in denial, and these are difficult obstacles to getting the necessary treatment.

My first thought was TIAs as well, but there could be other neurological issues.

Do you ever go to senior expos, either at local senior centers or those held by the Area Agency on Aging? If so, sometimes there are medical professionals, especially at the local senior centers, who do brief exams as a prelude for further exam and treatment if necessary.

If there are brief hearing tests given, you could try to start there, then assuming a hearing deficit is documented, see an ENT doctor AFTER explaining to him first and privately what the situation is. He/she can "observe" your husband's mental functioning, and recommend a neurologist, but he doesn't have to specifically say it's for neuro evaluation. He might, without lying, just say that your husband needs to see a specialist.

When I've faced something like this, eventually I just calmly said that either we're going to get treatment or my caregiving roles stop immediately. I hate having to do that, but in those situations something needed to be done and I was tired of pleading.

Good luck.

I tried explaining that to him and that I was worried but he keeps telling me it's nothing to worry about. Sometimes when we are going somewhere he asks me directions now, that is not something he would normally do. He used to drive a chicken truck and he knew all the roads/back roads in the county. I don't know if he has the beginning stages of Alzheimer's or what is going on. It is so frustrating that he will not go to the dr. or let me call anyone. He doesn't want anyone to know what is going on. He treats me differently when others are around than he does when we are alone now. I have to ask him to even get a hug now and part of time he asks me do I think I deserve one and then he will smile. I feel like he is shutting me out. But then his hearing is pretty bad and maybe he is just distancing himself because he can't hear what is going on. I just don't know.

Unbeknownst to me my mom had many TIAs over the years, and one day I witnessed one that scared me enough that I insisted we get checked out at the ER. We had been sitting together talking when her words suddenly became gibberish. She didn't even seem to realize and kept on telling me her incomprehensible story! Within a few minutes she was fine, but a TIA is a major warning sign that things are not right and a stroke soon after is a real possibility. Does he understand the possibility that this could be stroke related? If that possibility doesn't motivate him to see his doctor then you must call 911 if he has another episode, that may be the only way to get him evaluated.