How do I respond to the same question asked repeatedly?

OG, put all the work aside for tomorrow and just do something relaxing with your SO. Make something to eat you both like, go on a picnic, find a free concert if you can, just take a walk, or just sit and talk and as Windyridge suggests, remember the person you loved before the illness took over.

Stay strong kiddo. I know it's not easy but try to remember him for what he was not what the illness has done to him. My dad will ask me every 2 minutes about the gas milage on my car and I just tell him over and over and then redirect him to an old memory and he'll chat about the old days for awhile, and then ask me about the friggin gas milage........I get frustrated, mad when he wont listen to simple reason, but everyday when I'm working on the old car or tractor or building something I remind myself this is all stuff my dad taught me as a kid, then I look at him in a different light.

You need a break! My dad attend an all day adult day care three times a week. It was the best thing for the family. He didnt really care to go but we didnt give him a choice.

All of your comments are PERFECT. I am just plain tired today. I agree that a new cell phone is STUPID. But, he wanted it. I got it, now he can deal with it. Except it will drive me nuts. I set it up so all he has to do is push #2 and my phone will ring. It is just a simple phone. Not like mine which I swear if I can find the way to operate it, it will do the cooking. These phone are getting to far out there. Sometimes, I think he is pretending he is ill. That is how bad I feel today. He has always been so good to me. Really. But, I hate this illness. I am going to (at your suggestion) stop by the Senior Center and see what I can do to get him over there a few hours each week. They offer a time out time but I don't know what that means. When he passes, I will probably lie down on the couch and take the longest nap ever. Just a really bad day guys. I cannot thank you enough. No one understands who has not done this. I love him but I hate him at the same time right now. Not Hate,,,that is a bad word.. I am just angry today. I am sure the fact that I face a breast biopsy next week is part of this. I am already stressed as to whether my life is going to change and how will that go. If I get an ALL CLEAR, I will be celebrating. Just when we think we have it all figured out, something pops up to let us know we are not in control at all. Thanks to all of you, I still have my sanity. God Bless you all

But it was a pretty good rant.. Huh..

Oh......I feel pretty dumb. Thanks for the correction country m......

Oregongirl, hopefully you still have a landline in your home... even with dementia, that person can still understand how to use it as it is part of our childhood. The smartphone type cells are too new for an older brain to imprint. We have landline phones in each room here at home, simple to use ones.

With a landline if one calls 911 the dispatcher sees automatically on the screen your home address.... thus, if whomever is calling is in shock or had a stroke and can't give the home address, the ambulance is out of the bay and on its way. Last week I had to call 911 as sig other fell down the stairs and again in the kitchen passing out, the landline phone was easy to tuck under my chin to listen while dispatch was giving instructions.

???

I wasn't disagreeing with you Windy - I meant about capitalising the wanting to get rid of him! (see Maggie's post above) True but not what you'd tell him?! I was just being light-hearted, sorry if I wasn't clear.

Country mouse, I stand by my statement. Yes respite is in order here, but do you want to teach someone with dementia how to use a new call phone, learn a new recipe, or learn to play the piano? It just doesn't work that way with dementia. What am I missing here? It's not debatable. I've read and appreciated many of your past comments and posts and I mean no disrespect, but how can this be ignored?

I've written this before a few times here but I think it's worth sharing again. I probably change the details a little bit, but the gist of the scenario is the same.

In the Creating Confident Caregiver course I took, we were asked to imagine a scene. Although I don't recall all the parameters, I do recall that we were to envision being stuck in traffic on a freeway, no cars moving - just stuck. The passenger with us was talking nonstop, really just kind of gabbing. He/she had the radio on to a station with what he/she liked but to us it was obnoxious. Think of that pounding, repetitive stuff that's called rap or something like that.

It was winter, and snowing. The windshield wipers weren't working, the defroster wasn't working, we were late getting to wherever it was we were going.

We were having trouble just focusing when we noticed a big rig 18-wheeler barreling down the freeway and knew we were going to be hit. We couldn't move or avoid from the impending crash.

How would you feel? Our instructor said this is how people with dementia feel all the time.

Oregongirl, I wouldn't put it quite like that! - but I agree with Maggie that yes you do need the break, regularly. This is the thing to remember: that for that brief chunk of time while he's at the Senior Center his constant questions about where you are and when you're coming to get him won't be your problem. That's the beauty of it :)

And then afterwards, once he's home again, if he's still worried you can hug him and say Never Fear For I Am Here. Give it a try and see how it goes - you DO need that time.

I think your expectations of his cognitive ability is a little unrealistic. My dad is 85, has mild to moderate dementia, and there is no way I could teach him to use a new, or old, cell phone. Mom and I have learned that "New things" are to be avoided. It just doesn't compute. Maybe you understand this and are just venting but don't keep beating your head against the wall.

You're having a really bad day. What can we do when that happens except to know that it'll pass. I give a few comments, though.

YOU DO WANT TO GET RID OF HIM. For four hours or a day or whatever at the Senior Center. That's nothing to apologize for. You need regular breaks. Oregon Girl, if you don't take control and manage your time? You're going to burn out. That sounds cliche', but it's absolutely true.

I get what you're saying about every five minutes. It took me some time to figure out that it was in my very best interest to anticipate mom's needs. A glass of ice water within reach, some cookies on a plate. A trip to the restroom with her before I settled down. I quickly realized I was a mess without a good night's sleep. The doc prescribed sleeping pills for her. What a wonderful difference THAT made.

It's unclear what your relationship is to your charge. If you are a paid care-giver, I'd say you're overdue for a break.