How do you deal with your loved one ramping up and wanting to go home when sundowning?

For my husband this lasted a few months and then it only came up again when he was severely over-tired. Take some comfort in "this too shall pass."

oh another thing i did was music and dancing - but yes, they become Exhausting people after a while... only thing that helped a bit was an antidepressant that had anti-anxiety properties to it

Mincemeat your story had me swearing,coughing-laughing.
Yes , unfortunately free people sometimes just cannot adapt. My father coulnd either.
Sundowning is a real challenge - agitation can be curbed by medication and bright light and chores. They want to GO and nothing will stop them for a few hours. I used to just ride it out every afternoon with my mom - until it was all day and she was down the street. then i had to hire help.

Computer correction goofy thing - I was saying that I tell my Mom we 'can't' drive after dark . . . . . . .

My Mom is in the sundowning phase and it has been a challenge - it can start as early as 1pm in the afternoon and then if distracted by visitors it can be staved off until closer to the sun being actually down. Sometimes nothing distracts her so I tell her that she knows we can drive after dark and if we left for home now it would be dark there. she usually agrees and says we'll talk about it tomorrow. She very rarely remembers that. Sometimes nothing works and she has a screaming fit and I'm the worse daughter in the world, etc, etc, etc. My caretaker is a hoot - she will tell Mom that her daughter is evil today and they have a good gossip fest - I leave when that starts and come back in a few hours and Mom will be asleep or so relieved to see me. You do what you gotta - my Mom could and cannot be left alone since my father passed 2 years ago. Because we were so focused on father's care I wasn't paying too close attention to Mom. I think his death threw her into the dementia. She has always been delicate emotionally and father was the slow methodical plodding person who was her anchor to keep her steady. So now I have to be that for her. No it isn't easy, no, it isn't fun, but I know I'm doing my best for her and that is all I can do. Thank goodness I have no regrets - however - another subject - my siblings probably will have. Sundowners is so different for every person - just role with it and use what you know about the person to help you keep them calm. Loving them is the best medicine for them.

Talk to his doctor about this. It's called Sundowning and can be pretty frightening. My mom would have every light in the house on and move piles of clothes around in the house in no discernible order or with no purpose. She would say she was looking for something. She would call me upset she couldn't find whatever it was and get really worked up over how hard it was to deal with the piles. She would call my aunt & uncle next door and want them to come over and help her. Sometimes she would get confused over day/night and try to go grocery shopping at really weird hours. She's lucky she never got in an accident or killed somebody with her horrendous driving.

Ask the doctor if there is something to take the edge off without sedating him.

My maternal grandfather who was a sweet and loving elder by the way, was a master gardener. He had a small apple orchard, grew all sorts of berries, vegetables, etc......

I do apologize if I touched a nerve.....I tend to be snarky as I have been the girl minion my entire life.

At the nursing home where I unfortunately had to put my father in there is a "bird pavilion" with many feeders and bird houses. There is also a "Japanese Garden" with many walking paths. The best thing, I think is they have raised potting benches where people can pot plants from their wheel chairs, walkers, etc. I think that is great, but I cannot get my person to engage. Unfortunately some types of dementia leave you with someone who is unhappy and unsatisfied...and is unwilling try. :(

Keep up the wonderful suggestions! You are a gem!

Mincemeat, perhaps you could tell you father about some of the great male gardneners and plantsmen (another male oriented term). David Austin is one of the great rose hybridizers, known well here and abroad.

Men lend a different angle to gardening - pick up an issue of Fine Gardening and you'll see that men are major contributors. Maybe you can convince your father to take an interest if he can see it as a macho activity.

Sounds like we have something in common. My dad would get dressed in his work clothes, get on an atv to "go check fences" even though he could hardly see. He has been stuck in creeks, high centered on top of logs, caught in rolls of wire, stuck in marshes, fallen, fallen, fallen, and then kitchen fires! Would not stop, even though he could not see well and could not do anything. The biggest safety thing was him getting into trucks and tractors and trying to show off. Not safe at all for any family members. It totally got out of hand. We had to hide keys, disable things, but when it came to an end it was necessary to have full time supervision during all waking hours.

And yes, as Garden Artist said, any challenge to stop this results in a rage. If your elder is a little more open...can he mow a patch of lawn or pot a few plants? I could not get my dad to do that because it was "women's work"...haha

I wish I had better advise for you, but be vigilant and treat yourself well because keeping these old guys "warm, safe and dry" is what we have to do no matter if they like it or not.

Validate their delusion, help them get ready, and tell them you'll leave first thing in the morning after you pack tonight. By tomorrow morning they'll have forgotten, especially if you can get suitcases, etc., unpacked after they go to bed.

Challenging the delusion only makes them angry.

To avoid injury while your loved one is "ramping up", give him a project to work on that requires staying in one place as long as possible, such as packing towels or clothes.