MIL is able to live in her home but cannot care for her husband. Can she keep her home and put him in a NH?

so what happened? did he have a wreck?

To everyone. We saw the Elder Law attny yesterday. He said in IL, the Community spouse will not loose the house. He also suggested that we take the parents out of title as: Joint Tenants, to Tenants by the Entirety to protect mom's interest in the house if pop should be sued (due to an auto accident).
If pop is going to have to stay in the nursing home after his re-hab is finished we may have to apply for medicaid. Pops pension is good enough for them both to live on now, but if she stays in the house and he's in the nursing home, the attny will try to get medicaid to agree that a good portion of the pension should be given to mom so she can stay in the house and be cared for. We're hoping for the best. He also suggested we check out our county senior services to see what services they could offer should pop be released from the NH. At this point there really isn't any way mom can take care of pop at home. She's 81 and he's 86. He shattered his hip, broke his leg and is diabetic, incontinent and has been diagnosed with dementia! Plus he is combative, won't listen, is always right. We couldn't take his keys away from him, and now this is why he is where he is. He'll drive her to her grave if he comes home! All we can do is hope financially things will work out. I'll keep you posted.

why will she not allow it?

Our friend uses housekeeper, drivers, friends, neighbors, maintenace man, construction handymen to help out willingly because this couple is truly beloved here in the neighborhood. That "team" has helped in the past, but care needs are increasing, he needs an overnight caregiver. That is just not happening. If it were my parents, I would call in a Geriatric Care Specialist who advises families and patients. This person counsels after making an assessment, it is not your government inspired social worker, I think it is private.

In this case only, (not the asker's case), it would be the less impaired wife is justifiably worn out but doesn't want help coming to her home to help her husband. He also, does not want too much help. They have both relied on each other, but the balance has changed too much. Please answer Nanienne, she asked the question, I will learn from those answers.

babalou, I am, too, but it's sendme2help who said that - will say in my/hub's situation - the wife is the one - with, supposedly the husband being the more impaired but there are getting to be some questions - who's saying there's no way "they're" taking him out of the home - trying to see about having caregivers come in the home there as well - finally got an answer as to how much help they could get

Deb, I'm curious if it's the more or the less impaired spouse who 'won't allow' caregivers.

which one won't allow it?

Looking forward to some answers to be able to help someone else. I have been considering the benefits of having caregivers come in to help, but one spouse won't allow it. It would be sad to see the couple separated after all those years together. I am aware that sounds naive. But with one spouse gone from the home, that does change the dynamics in a way that the more independent well spouse may be discovered to need help.

yes, please do! been dealing with this with hub's aunt and uncle - she's exhausted too, taking care of him, though not sure but what she's the one who needs to go - just don't know what to do - no, he couldn't stay there by himself

Great news! Let us know how it turns out; it will be encouragment to other folks who come on here thinking that if they put their spouse in a NH, it means they will have to live under a bridge.

Will do. The appt is set for Tues. I'll let you know what he advises. Thanks again to all of you!

Nan - let us know what the atty suggests. We all learn from each other!

Igloo572, and all others. Thanks so much for your insight. We have contacted an elder law attny and will see him this week. It's a relief to know how this will work. You ar so right, my MIL really didn't realize how overwhelmed and exhausted she was. It's been 3 weeks since he has been home and it's like she has renewed engergy. You all helped me via this site when I was taking care of my mom and I'm so grateful you are all here now as we start a new "journey". Will keep you posted.

Nan - for your friends ONLY the husband who would be the NH resident needs to meet medicaid requirements. Only hubs needs to meet the 2k income & 2k assets. The wife as a community spouse is not expected to impoverish herself so hubs can be in a facility on medicaid.

How to best do this for a CS is quite quite different and more complicated - they need to find and work with a eider law attorney BEFORE they do the medicaid application. For couples, Medicaid tends to do a "snapshot" day in which the couples finances are based, so if they need to move $ about; or trade in 2 cars for 1; etc, they need to get things done ASAP & before the application. She should be able to get CSRA or MMNA - this is kinda like alimony for the NH set. Really look to find them a NAELA certified attorney.

It's wonderful yiu are there to help. For couples, so often the well spouse is all focused on doing whatever for ill spouse & overwhelmed & exhausted. Add to this that so often the NH gives out the wrong info on NH/CS requirements. Help her find a NAELA & help her find & ferret out whatever paperwork & documents needed to take to the attorney meeting. good luck and keep your sense of humor going!

That should be Elder law" in your state.

Not DIY and NOT for a lawyer who doesn't specialize in this are of the law. You need someone certified in Elderly in your state.

Not a DYI project. Consult a qualified legal specialist in Elder Law.

(Do you hear an echo in here?)

It sounds as though there needs to be thought giving to getting him qualified for Medicaid. MIL is what they term a "community spouse", ie the spouse who still lives not in a nh. There are Medicaid regs that allow the spouse to remain in the home and keep assets of something like 118,000. There is something called a Miller Trust that can be established to deposit pension funds in excess do the amount of income allowed by Medicaid. Point is, you really need a lawyer to do all this. There is a MONEY AND LEGAL bar at the top of this page that will lead you to information. This is not a do it yourself project.

I believe the title is in both names. She never worked so I don't thing she is on the homequity loan

She really needs to consult an elder care attorney, one who is certified and who understands Medicaid. I'm hoping one of the legally savvy folks here will chime in, but it certainly CAN be done. Is the house in both of their names?