Two years ago, my mother moved to a single level apartment building. She has always enjoyed gardening and was told that she could have some pots with flowers and vegetables in the landscaped area along the building by her specific apartment. There is a maintenance man who cares for the other shrubs and the lawn around the building.
My mother believes that she can do anything she wishes to the grass and shrubs to the point of spraying with grass killer. She has a high school boy come once or twice a month to help her with her plants (move pots, pull weeds that have grown up between the rocks, etc.) She had this boy spray the grass along the landscape edging under her apartment windows with Round-Up and that has killed all the nice green grass that used to be there.
The maintenance man is horrified (and with good reason!) but my mother doesn't believe that she did anything wrong.
Now, I'm caught in the middle. My mother expects me to be on "her side" when the maintenance man complains about her doing things to "his lawn".
HELP!!!
11 Answers
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
If so, then fall on your sword and do whatever you can (like lsmiami suggested) to get in the good graces of the landscape guy.
Also having a MINOR work with Round-Up or any other pesticides is wrong and probably broke a whole bunch of laws there. If he tells his parents or friends who tell their parents, well, honey, the maintenance guy is the least of you & your mom's problems. Get in that garage and get rid of all this stuff and tell mom in no uncertain terms that her Mistress Gardener designation is suspended.
ADVERTISEMENT
Speaking of her not having anywhere to garden, have you got improvements she could make to yours?
Trying to team my mother with the maintenance man is NOT going to happen! They are so at odds, it is difficult to describe. Has been this way since the first month my mom moved to this building. (It was all caused by my mother, by the way.)
As for making a "community garden", that also is not going to happen. All of the tenants in this apartment are elderly and/or handicapped in some way. Allowing a few pots of flowers or vegetables in the gravel area alongside the building is as far as the landlord is willing to go.
As to how my mother got her hands on Round-Up, either she had someone buy it for her or she moved it with her from the house she used to live in. She stores a bunch of stuff in one of the garages that go with the apartment.
I have never met the high school boy that helps her. I don't live near her but visit about once a week.
As for why my mother had the boy spray the grass, she claims that it was full of weeds. It wasn't, I assure you. The maintenance man is very particular about the lawn and spends a great deal of time trimming and mowing to make the apartment property look nice.
Taking the Round-Up away and disposing of it will not do anything. My mother will just get someone to buy her more.
And, telling her about the dangers of using such chemicals will do nothing. She's a Master Gardener (and never hesitates to tell people that!) so she knows everything about everything pertaining to gardening and plants. That's not really true I know, but she believes it and shares her "knowledge" with anyone who gets within earshot.
I've tried explaining to her that she doesn't own the building and is only being allowed to have some pots with flowers because of the goodness of the landlord. Her response is that she's paying rent and can do what she wants.
Many people, including landscapers, use Round-Up as if it's the only solution. That may have been your mother's thoughts, and she probably wasn't thinking about the side effects (if she was aware of them) to anyone who used it or was in the area when it was sprayed.
Do you think relaying that information would change her opinion? I'm also wondering how she got ahold of it.
Perhaps if she still feels the need to spray, let it just be plain water as Chicago suggests.
There's another alternative and that's to allow her to eventually replant the area with an herbal lawn, or something less energy intensive than grass.
There's also the concept of allowing her to help, or perhaps convince the maintenance man, to create a Pollinator Garden with diverse flowers that attract bees and butterflies. Round-Up certainly isn't helpful to them, so that could be an approach you could use.
You could explain the Colony Collapse Disorder that's killing bees in massive numbers. Tell her she'd be helping not only the bees in their survival efforts, but also contributing to the nation's food supply. That might make her feel as though her efforts are more focused and worthwhile and lead her away from thinking about the lawn.
I like the idea of a Green Team; if she partners with the maintenance man, she may feel part of a real team and may work with him. Hopefully he's not a Round-Up supporter though.
As a gardener myself though, I do understand the desire to get rid of lawns, but only it's done safely.
I also support CM's Green Team idea; if your mother thinks she's helping the maintenance man, that might be incentive enough to be less independent, although it's great that she's that enthused about gardening.
I doubt if anything would survive if replanted now, but in the future, perhaps she could think about having the helper plant flowers to begin a Pollinator Garden. Explain to her about Colony Collapse Disorder and how the bees are dying off, that they're essential to pollinating our food, and that she could help by planting diversified flowers that bees and butterflies like....but that they can't be sprayed with anything but water (or vinegar if there are bugs).
The Green Team partnership would allow her to participate as a team player with the maintenance team, and still practice her love of gardening.
I wounder if your Mom thought that Roundup would just kill weeds [as shown on TV with dandelions growing in the cracks of a driveway], and not grass or other plants. Where did she get her hands on Roundup, anyway?
What on earth did she have against it?
You are indeed in a diplomatic bind. Is there any way of making the area look presentable? The maintenance man might be a bit less huffy if you can mitigate the damage somehow. And if he can be got to be less huffy, then he can take your mother under his wing and the two of them can become a Green Team. Wouldn't she like that better?
But meanwhile the damage she's done will cost money - perhaps that'll make more sense to her than your taking sides on an aesthetic or proprietorial basis?