Is it wrong not to want to celebrate a birthday after Mom passed away?

I've never enjoyed celebrating my birthday. I come from a big, rambunctious family. I really had no choice. It was like being run down by a big tidal wave. So I just endured it when I was young. The family just wanted an excuse to act silly and have cake. So be it.

My Mom and I had a special bond. When I became an adult her and I would go out for Lunch and she would shyly hand me a card with money in it. We'd go browsing through the mall looking for something I could buy with the money. It makes me tear up just thinking about it. She was so special.

She died a little over a year ago and I miss those special afternoons. I am sort of ambivalent about the whole birthday thing now.

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My dad passed away long back when I was 12, After my dad's death, my mom was too sad. Since it's her 55th birthday this is the first time we are planning to celebrate her Birthday after my dad's death. For me, my mom is next to god. She is celebrating her 55th Birthday on next month. I am planning to make her day special. I wish to arrange a DJ surprise party.
As a personal gift, I made an album which shows small photographs of the members of our family She loves chocolates, I think candy bouquet works where I can mix the flowers and candy. I wish to make her day special. Please help me with your suggestions to make her day

My sister Geri died 2 years ago she was 49 of sudden cardiac death. It's just mom and I now and I celebrate mom she's 79 with Alzehemiers , but I don't celebrate mine anymore . Geri made life fun , since she died I don't want to celebrate. For Geri's birthday I sent pink balloons to heaven I wrote on them I miss her . I am so sad without my BFF

I feel the same way, very very sad today on my birthday, because my mom passed jan 4, 2014... The feelings you have a very normal, and I am sorry we are so sad... they say grief has no timeline.. and comes and goes like the tides of an ocean...

It was low key, just my wife and I. Went out to lunch and out for a drink later. Got to see our girls over the weekend so that made it all better. A couple friends asked how I got it past them. Just was better that way......... Good to have some quiet.

Glad you have it a shot and enjoyed your day. Happy birthday 🍷

It wasn't bad, I had a few things to keep me busy. My wife and I went out for diner, just chilled for the day. Went out for a cocktail later. So it was good. Low key was good this year. Some friends commented on how I got it past them this year....

It is just as important to receive as give. Maybe you can do something to honor your mom on your birthday, like plant a flower, tree, visit a grave, etc. but a small celebration from those who love you would be nice for them too.

It's normal for me, but I'm a depressive. I loathe my birthdays, and I especially loathe them when my kids make an effort for me because then I feel ungrateful and cruel and mean on top.

So if you have always celebrated your day, and enjoyed it not only because your mother made it very special for you, then I'd say for you no it isn't normal and it sounds like an aspect of depression. You do, do you not, have things to be depressed about - your mother's having passed, the changes in your father, the feeling that you're in for a long, heavy haul, and so on?

Low key sounds a good way to spend the day, but try to enjoy it in some small way. Perhaps, if you do this sort of thing, you could have a private word with your mother early on in the day and tell her you wish she were there to share it. After that, see how you feel about Thanksgiving and later on Christmas. And if you're not getting back into the spirit of things, or you're getting lower and lower in mood, it might be time to seek advice.

tg,my dad and I have birthdays a few days apart so we always celebrated together. The first few years after he passed, it was bittersweet. Now, I think of some food he'd have loved and enjoy a goodie in his memory (he loved to eat). It's ok to feel sad, then celebrate the love and joy you have in your life. And it does get easier as time passes.

Linda22, many times I have given my family members more than one card. Usually, I'll find one that's humorous and one that's sweet and I can't decide so I just get both of them.

That's a good suggestion.

Maybe you could carry on a few of her fun traditions, like the extra card, with your own kids?

Yes, let your family fuss over you if they want to, I think it is these little rituals that help bind us together. Your mom is gone and of course you miss her and the special way she made you feel on your b-day, but allow yourself to create new traditions with your remaining family.

I think you are justified in whatever feelings you have, but you are shortchanging your wife and children. They are your family just as much as your mother and are entitled to celebrate the day of your birth. If you like, you can ask them to make it low key. I think as most adults, we don't really want a big fuss made over us. Let them have their fun if they so desire. Hope your Dad is having a good time on his trip (I assume he's still gone since you said it was just you and your wife at home) and makes it safely.

You loved mom while she was around, she knew this and it enriched her life. She would be saddened by your sadness....so please toast to your special day and your spouses and your children's . Remembrances and fond memories are for the departed, new joys and new memories are for the living. Happy Birthday!

I hardly celebrate my birthday. If Tom and I didn't go out for dinner, there'd be no celebration at all.

Wrong? Not at all. But if you're trying to make some sort of statement that your life isn't worth celebrating now that mom's gone, then I think you're missing out.

At first I thought you meant celebrating your mom's birthday even after her death. Then I realized that you don't want to celebrate your own birthday because it's not fun without your mom. Your wife may not like hearing that. If you used to celebrate your birthday then you can find a new way to enjoy it with your wife. This country is filled with beautiful national parks, for example. I don't think your mom would want you to be sad on your birthday. Your mom gave you the gift of life. Best wishes!

It's not wrong or right, it's just how you feel. If you don't want to celebrate your birthday that's your choice but if not celebrating your birthday is keeping you from moving on from the death of your mom you may want to look at that a little more closely. We love our parents and we grieve their death but eventually life has to go on.

Perhaps you could celebrate the day as the day your Mother came into your life. Think of the joy she felt that birth day. Every one grieves at their own pace and that is as it should be. Try to make the anniversary of your birth a reminder of her joy.