Elder Mom will not leave her room. Any advice??

After she's finished the antibiotics and she checks out clear for infections, I would have her see someone to be evaluated for depression and anxiety. They are NOT a normal part of aging and should be treated aggressively with meds, in my opinion.

I can't thank you all for your wonderful replies.
I followed through almost all of the tips, she now goes to the bathroom frequently, and we coaxed her outside from her room to the living room.

Now she's physically better, but her mood is usually sad.
Her face is all drooped, I asked her to smile today and she did, forcibly and then she said this is a fake smile.
She talks in a crying voice, and whenever I mention an activity like watching TV, she begs to leave her alone and says she watched TV a looooong time ago (it was almost 2 weeks ago that she last saw TV, she watched the night news punctually, even enjoyed it.)

I can't seem to make her happy, she said that she is anxious inside and doesn't know why.
Is this all because of the UTI?
I'm lost.

My FIL recently was terribly constipated after being on antibiotics, just the opposite of what happens to many. He had to stay over night in the hospital for the staff to provide enemas. He seemed depressed as well while the UTI and antibiotics were being taken. He was on two rounds. In between the two rounds he seemed a little better. I hope your mom gets a little better as well. Pam mentioned a good thing, we always have to watch my FIL for dehydration.

Check for dehydration, please, it can really affect mood and cognition. Ask her MD to send a visiting nurse to check her ASAP.

YB, your profile states that your mother has osteoporosis. When she's not moving around, she's likely to become stiff and possibly achy. Then she wants to move around even less. And she'll become more stiff and achy.

You don't say how old she is and/or what other medical conditions she may have. If she does have multiple medical conditions, the UTI may just have "pushed her over the top" and she may feel so overwhelmed that she just doesn't want to try to get up and about.

She'll probably resist, but you might "start small". Just get her out of bed and sit in a chair for awhile. Perhaps sit in her room with her, chat, or just listen to music. No pressure here at this stage may work bet.

Then gradually move the chair a little farther away from the bed so she has to walk more, but have her walker or wheelchair right there and hold onto her in case she loses her balance. Baby steps are the norm of this tactic.

Put on a CD of her favorite music. Bake something fragrant such as a cake with cinnamon, or home made bread. Those aromas are soothing; it might help to "reposition" her mindset.

Ask her doctor if she can have home PT and OT. They'll be able to give her exercises in bed, and that might help her feel better and get up more easily. Therapists have marvelous ways of dealing with people who don't want to do what they should.

You can also try some "softening" therapy yourself. Add a loving message to a pretty get well card and put it on her bed for her to see when she wakes up. She might be stubborn, but she might also respond to demonstrations of care that don't require her cooperation. All she has to do is read the card.

But I'm also wondering what's causing her fever and how it's being treated. Was she diagnosed with the UTI at an ER? Did she have the fever then? I think this needs to be investigated as well. A week seems like a long time to me for someone to have a fever without either treatment and/or improvement.

Good luck; this sounds like a trying situation for you.

Yellow, ask your mother if she is feeling lightheaded, dizzy, or out of balance... if the answer is yes, that could be the reason why she feels more comfortable staying in bed.... those symptoms alone for days on end can make you feel like you will never return to normal, believe me I know from my own personal experience. There are meds for those symptoms.

Tell her that the adult diapers have to be changed every time she uses them or the UTI will not go away, truth. My mom uses panty liners and they told us the same about them. If she is cheap this will at least get her up to use the bathroom. Ask her if she wants to do a jigsaw puzzle with you. For older folks these things are a blast from the past. I hate them, but I will do anything for Mom. Is there room in her room for you to sit with her and read to her? My mom can't read books anymore because the print is to small and she does not like the Kindle I bought her for books. She will play solitaire on it all day long but no books.

Is she having her meals in her room too? Try to get her to come to the table at least. Coax her out with a visitor, perhaps. If she doesn't have dementia, perhaps you can use a little "tough love", just not too tough. But tell her she needs a shower, she needs to get dressed, she needs a haircut. Maybe that would work with her.

Keep the drapes open in her room during the day, so that she's not lying in a dark room. That will feed depression. Come and go as much as you can into her room and in the hallway so that she can see that there is activity. If it's quiet, she may think she's alone.

Lying about in the bed will encourage bed sores. I don't know that 4 trips to the bathroom is often enough for elimination or for exercise. Go into her room every 2 hours and turn her over. That ought to get her up just so you'll leave her alone!

I wish there was some cut and dried answer to this dilemma. We hate to see our loved ones decline.

Thank you so much for reply!


Unfortunately we don't, so I'm glad I found this forum!

Yes she did throw up when we first started her on antibiotics.

Thank you for these tips, I will surely follow them.

Is there anything we can do to make her mood better?
This is her first UTI so I have no idea when the improvement will be seen.

She doesn't want to watch TV or do anything, she just keeps lying down, only walks when she has to go the bathroom, which is 4 times a day, the rest of the day she keeps wearing her adult diapers.
We talked about taking a family vacation when she gets better but she hated that idea too, I honestly don't know how to help her. :(

Yes! UTIs are more than a nuisance in the elderly. It can lead to moodiness, anger, outbursts. If you have a home health service you can call try getting advice. My mother is currently dealing with a UTI as well and is not leaving her room much because it is closer to the bathroom. She also doesn't feel well and wants to be as comfortable as possible. The antibiotics may be making her nauseous. Try giving her some additional probiotics to help replenish her system of the good bacteria that the antibiotics are killing in her gut. Florastor is what most doctors recommend.
She may also have lost some strength from the fever. Make sure she has Gatorade to replenish electrolytes.
My mother just got out of a NH after a two week stay in the hospital all as a result of what antibiotics allowed to develop in her body.
If she is feeling crappy, antibiotics can also cause diarrhea, ask her more questions about her bowel movements. These are some of the hard questions we have to ask our mothers that we never thought we would have to.