How do we protect Mom's (87) assets if she doesn't want to have a trust set up thru elder care attorney?

Windy, I thought fathers treated their daughters that way - after all, we're just women.

Sandwich, you're so right. We are all permanently 16 and dumb as a rock. My dad cannot possibly imagine that I would know better than him about anything.

I inquired with 2 Trust companies a year ago. In a nutshell, trusts are no longer a safe haven for assets if you looking into the possibility of NH placement. That 5 year look back will also apply to a trust.

Sandwich, you are so right about telling an elder that the State will get a huge chunk of her net worth if she doesn't get the correct paperwork done. I used that to get my parents into seeing an Elder Law Attorney :)

My mother became aggressive, combative, and mean as a snake at the very idea of talking to ANYBODY about her money. As a result, we are going to spend every single red penny there is on her care. There will be absolutely nothing left over to pass to her grandchildren.

Mom was not able to understand any of the information. Her refusal was not about protecting things - she did want to protect her assets - but she was so afraid of being swindled and looking stupid that she would rather lose it all than lose face. She also had become extremely paranoid and trusted nobody to do it for her. That was the dementia coming through.

My suggestion is to stop insisting this is YOUR idea and be a little more creative. Say you have to go in for this review to keep her benefits going or to keep from having to pay a giant tax bill. A lot of seniors will cooperate if they think their government benefits are on the line or that it's NOT their children's' idea. Even if their children are professional wealth managers near their own retirement. We are all permanently 16 and stupid as a rock.

cmx, it can be difficult to get an elder into seeing an Elder Law attorney because our parent is in denial that they are aging and paperwork needs to be done sooner than later. Plus for some elders, they are afraid of attorneys [don't know why], maybe it seems so final.

I had no issue getting my parents to meet with an Elder Law Attorney, whew, they got their Wills, POA's, etc updated.... but Dad has been dragging his feet on the paperwork for the Trust.... I've given up as it has been almost a year ago when the homework was given to him. Guess I am lucky their Wills were updated :)

There are other legal ways to protect assets if your mom thinks she may be entitled to Medicaid, besides setting up a trust. I will say that I know of at least one attorney who is a financial expert, who is not convinced that Trusts are the solution. At least encourage her to have the consult so she can get the information and then she can make her decision. An informed decision is better than not knowing what to expect.

Ah, I wondered. Elder Care atty leads me to believe "protect from Medicaid."

Geewhiz, I'm assuming she referred to taxation.

Protect the assets from what or whom?

It also depends on what kind of assets she has and how they're titled.

Are they titled in her name only, or jointly with you and/or your siblings? If the latter, and they're correctly titled that way (with rights to the survivor(s) ), they'll pass directly after her death. But each of the assets and how to effect transfer on death should be discussed with an attorney. If your mother doesn't want to go, you and your sibs can go alone.

It also depends on their value as to whether or not they might be subject to probate, at least in my state. Your state of residence may have its own requirements and standards.

This raises another question as to whether or not she even has a will.

Perhaps you and your siblings could meet with the attorney, after preparing an itemized list of your mother's assets, get instructions and handle retitling if necessary. You could do that with any mutuals and/or IRAs with stock forms prepared by the investment company that manages them, but you would need a deed prepared by an attorney if title to the house needs to be transferred from your mother to you and your siblings.

You can't.