Any advice on how to cope with the grief of watching my Mum disappear into a demented soul?

Thank you all for your kind words.mum is in her own home and my brothers and I care for her.we have some paid help.sometimes it gets so hard to watch her deteriorate so quickly. She has vasculsr dementia and just recently had another stroke.i feel better already having shared this with others who know what this is like. Thank you.

Hi, just wanted to say I'll be praying for you and many others on this board. It's heart breaking to see these posts and the toll it takes is immense. I hope you take the time to go and be away sometimes, you really need that for sanity sake. And you need to find a way to do it daily. Go for a walk, to the store, coffee with a friend, support group, church or something that gives you a break to get some air and perspective maybe. It may seem counterintuitive but maybe go volunteer somewhere at a soup kitchen, read to children or something where it's life giving to someone. You might be surprised how much better you feel even if temporary, still you body and mind will appreciate the relief.

All I know is that this board has been therapy for me. I read so may posts on here and think wow a lot of folks should get paid for the info and insight provided. It also helps me keep better check on myself and perspective on everything in my own life. It's not that I minimize what I'm going through, but it does help me realize how many more are going through things too, sometimes far brutally worse than I can imagine, and keeps me out of the why me mentality. Prayers and Hugs, Jacky.

I am comforted by information. Learning as much as I can makes me feel like I have some kind of control I guess. So I have spent hundreds of hours reading and learning about the coming stages and how to respond.

Now that my mom is in hospice and probably has a short time left, there's not anything left for me to research. I already have covered this stage and there won't be a "next" to go on and learn about.

An in-person support group might help you. I know this on-line one sure has helped me more than I can express. Being around people going through the same thing is very calming to me. Outsiders simply don't know, don't often really wish to know or are the uninformed bossy britches.

I don't know what is worse - the long goodbye of dementia - or if we lose the loved one very suddenly with no warning at all. Either way is awful. Dementia robs us of possibility, dignity, and freedom. It's a particularly cruel master.

We are all here for you when you're having a down day.

I wish I could give you some tips. I cared for my loved one in her home for just a short while. I was not able to do it full time. I don't think I could or would. I guess it depends on the circumstances. To me, dealing with dementia is the ultimate challenge. I can handle the physical ailments, but the dementia is something else indeed.

There are people here who will likely give you some ideas. I think they will suggest that you get some outside support to come help you. This is a huge job. You need support and friendship to help you through.

If you mom seems to be suffering, you might consult with her doctor to get her some medication to help her feel better. My cousin takes meds for that and she's much more content and doesn't seem miserable in the least bit.

Is your mom on Hospice? How far has she progressed?

I wish I could offer something more. Take care of yourself.