Mom is stuck on the thought 'she's being evicted' when there is in fact no truth to that one bit. Any advice?

Oh man, this sure sounds familiar. Mom is ALWAYS convinced that outside forces are conspiring to take her home away from her. And it's nothing new, either.

My Mom is obsessive about everything, I also try to go along with it really is easier than fighting it. Nailing jello to the wall is understatement. I will say that being told I was trafficking children at midnight I did have to correct. Lol

It is possible that she doesn't remember she has told you these things before. She may believe she is telling you these things for the first time.

Good advice above. Often, some confusion, or dementia behaviors can be attributed to a brain injury, such as a stroke. The patient cannot find the right words, so they repeat another word. It is possible that she doesn't even mean "eviction".

Do we think hearing the same crap day after day isn't maddening?

Cue: hollow laughter from 28,000 people (at a guess). Yes. It is maddening. No one will give you any arguments there.

What we're trying to explain is that there are specialist techniques for dealing with this kind of obsession that may be more effective than the ones you've tried so far. Give them a go.

That's right. She may have been a pain to deal with for years, but if she has dementia, she is not operating with normal brain capacity. She has no control over this. It's not like it's directed at making you miserable. You can't take it personally.

I would read as much as possible about dementia and watch the link provided. The dementia patient is not being difficult on purpose. There brain is preventing them for behaving normally.

It could be that her problem is reversible, as mentioned upthread. Get her thyroid checked. I would explore that possibility, but keep in mind that it could be a symptom of an illness that you can't cure and one of the trademarks is difficult behavior. I would try to acclimate myself to getting on board with how to deal with her or make arrangements for someone else to step in. It sounds like you might be overly frustrated, which is understandable, but that isn't likely to work well in the long run.

As others here said, and from my own experience, "Just go along with her ". Instead of trying to reason with her. It becomes a power struggle.
It's pointless to argue with someone who has diminished capacity. If you are someone who makes it a point never to lie (my affliction), you will have to suck it up, and tell fibs compassionately.
Bless all..
Lois

Hooka, hyperthyroidism is a cause of a type of dementia called metabolic dementia. Unless it has been going on too long, dementia that happen due to metabolic reasons can be reversible. So... if the hyperthyroidism is causing this, then treating the cause may reverse the effects it is having on her brain. The sooner the better.

It is so hard dealing with the negative. I hear "no" so much around here that I wish they would strike the word from the vocabulary. One thing I've learned, though, is my mother may say no, no, no to me, but yes to someone else. Do you have a brother or uncle who could encourage her to follow-up on her treatment for hyperthyroidism? Sometimes women will listen to men when they won't listen to other women.

Hooka, Google Teepa Snow and watch her videos. And next time mom calls about being evicted, say something like " wow, that's bad. You must be worried".

Well, she WAS diagnosed with hyper-thyroidism months ago, but she became a stubborn child and did not ever go back to doctor for follow up after he gave her meds. She says NO to any and everything helpful. She even starts every sentence now with NO. She leaves messages all day on my phone like "How am I going to get water when I'm booted out" (evicted) "You know once I'm out that's it" I say "Well Mom why don't you go back to doctor and deal with the problem because it's your thinking and you're ignoring the fact the thyroid effects your thinking too" I get in return "NO, you aren't always right and it's too late - good bye" CLICK, HANGS UP again. All day this goes on...She's 78 and other then hyper-thyroid she has never been sick. I'm honestly so over hearing the eviction thing that I put her calls on silent and call her maybe at the end of the day - because the topic never changes. Been a broken record for months and then she'll say I'm a b*tch and must be in a bad mood, along with other insults that are unwarranted. You think hearing the same crap every day for months isn't maddening? Like Chinese water torture. Since I can't force her to get help....I just wait I guess.

Your mother can't help being focused on one issue. The kind and appropriate thing to do is, as others suggested, to try to find out why she feels this way. Something is making her afraid of losing her home. Has anything happened recently? Is she watching too many news casts? Scary movies? Reading about foreclosures and evictions?

Has anything happened to her family in the past or more recent present that might incite this anxiety and fear? Play Sherlock and see what you can find out through casual conversation. But do't upset her more than she already is.

Don't challenge her and invalidate her fear; address it as Maggie suggests and try to either work with her or find the underlying anxiety issues. Getting annoyed with her only makes her feel more isolated and fearful as if she can't talk to you and get support for her concern.

From the approach you have, I think it might benefit you to spend some time learning about dementia, perhaps even joining a support group if you can find one so you understand that the behavior which causes you to roll your eyes is NOT something the individual can control.

Remember, this same disease could strike you. Think how you'd want to be treated if you were in her position.

Great ideas above. I would start by finding out what is causing her delusions. It could be dementia.

When my loved one, who has dementia, had a problem or WAS worried about something that I knew didn't exist, I would tell her that I just talked to the people in charge and straightened it out. All is solved. Crisis diverted. I hug her and say, "Let's celebrate!' She believes me and is so relieved. Of course, she forgets this and I may have to do it again later.

If your mom has dementia and that is what is causing this delusion, then have her evaluated, of course, but ask about medications that can prevent the anxiety. When my loved one is not on Cymbalta, she is very nervous, worried and agitated. She thinks terrible things are happening. She can't even describe what they are. However, the Cymbalta takes that away and she is much more content and stress free. It's amazing.

So, after she gets diagnosed, I would ask her doctor about it. This medication is helpful, even if you don't have dementia.

My mother periodically gets stuck on imagined problems with the floor. We had some work done to support the floors better about 3 years ago. She'll talk about how we need to call them back so they can adjust the floors. She imagines that the house is up on stilts and cold air is blowing under. She imagines the floor bounces when she walks. She thinks the reason her feet get cold is because the floors have been lifted. None of it is logical, but in her mind the problems she is feeling are because of the floor.

In the first few months after getting the work done, she called the company repeatedly to come fix things. I finally took the card and any vestige of the phone number away from her, so she can't contact them. I didn't want our problem with her dementia to become theirs.

Dementia is strange like this. When an idea gets in their head, it can get stuck. Everything else may be forgotten, but the obsession remains. I imagine that your mother probably has some logic about the thought of being evicted. It would seem totally illogical to us, but she may be obsessing on this to explain a feeling of unease she is feeling. The only thing I can think to do is tell your mother something along the line, "We've taken care of things and you're not being evicted, Mom. Don't worry." Repeat it each time she talks about her obsession. Comfort may work.

I know that there comes a point with dementia very often that a person does end up losing their home when they go into memory care. It is such a sad disease.

If someone contradicted you on a point you were completely convinced of, wouldn't you be annoyed? You're going to need to be a bit more subtle about reassuring your mother that she is not about to be flung out on the street, so start with finding out what leads her to this conviction. Has she been watching alarmist TV programmes? Has she misunderstood some other change that actually is happening? Or is there some deep-rooted anxiety about homelessness that is eating her?

There were times with mom's dementia that I would play her game. It was just easier. I wonder what would happen if you accepted her fantasy?

"Wow, mom! When did you find out? Do you know how this happened?" Insert any conversational variance here. And then...."Try not to worry, mom. I'm always here for you. Let me see what I can do to head this off. I'll make some calls."

In other words, it may help you be able to move on with your conversation if you ACCEPT what she's saying and offer reassurance.

Now. The bigger question is how are you preparing to handle your mom's deteriorating mental health?

It sounds like mom needs a check up. Trying to reason with her is like trying to nail Jello to the wall. Mom needs help. She isn't thinking clearly. Get those eyes back in your head and get her to the doctor. It will be a long road.

Since you haven't got a profile, there's no background info.

How old is she?
What are her diagnoses?
How far away does she live? Apartment, private house, independent living, assisted living?
Can you get her tested for a uti?
Has she been seen by a geriatric psychiatrist?
Has she been diagnosed with dementia?

You will get really good answers if you give us more background. As an overarching comment, you sound like me, always in a rush (I'm a New Yorker, it's who we are). Slow down with mom. "What makes you think that?" has gotten me some good answers to statements like "I'm being evicted", "there's a union taking over", "the place was sold last night".