What to do? Dad is lying to the adult day care workers.

Thank you for all your coments im makeing appt with a doctor to see whats going on with him

Angrydaughter, if your father has had three strokes what makes you think he can't have dementia? Because if the day care staff want to know what's going on, it sounds very much like dementia is what is going on.

After eight years of caregiving you must be worn to a frazzle. And alas it is one of the most vicious things about caregiving for our elders that things can only get worse.

Be reassured on one point, though: do be sure that what you are doing for your father is a good and loving thing, even if love feels in short supply right now. That does not mean that you can't consider alternative care for him, especially if you're getting burnt out to the degree where you just can't do any more. But meanwhile, can you get your father seen by a geriatrician with specialist neurological/stroke training for an assessment, preferably with an MRI thrown in? My money's on vascular dementia too, I'm afraid.

And tell the staff to advise you, not interrogate you. They're the ones who've supposedly had professional training in care of the elderly, for heaven's sake.

Everyone and particularly medical personnel and caregivers must understand!

Confabulating and Confabulations

In psychology, confabulation (verb: confabulate) is a memory disturbance, defined as the production of fabricated, distorted or misinterpreted memories about oneself or the world, without the conscious intention to deceive.

Key factors in confabulations are there is no intent to deceive, second the person being unaware that the information is blatantly false. Confabulating is distinct from lying because there is no intent to deceive, and the person being unaware that the information is blatantly false.

Carers challenge: is what they say true? Confabulations become a far greater concern in the later stages, because confabulations are much more likely to be acted upon.

It is difficult for everyone to accept a mind is damaged.

Not only is memory damaged their ability to process thoughts and conversations is impaired.

Confabulations are a major annoyance and can be dangerous- when we the take everything in a discussion at face value. Confabulating is very frequently observed in people with Alzheimer's.

We all Confabulate when we make..verbal statements and/or actions that inaccurately describe history, background and present situations unintentionally. We must be aware of information that is blatantly false yet are coherent, internally consistent, and appear relatively normal.

PRINT THIS OUT AND GIVE OUT

My mother's strokes led up to her diagnosis with vascular dementia and it was one final stroke that took her out of here.

I agree, he needs a neurological check up either from a neurologist which my mom had or from a gerontologist.

Strokes can cause vascular dementia. If this is something new since the stroke, then I would consider having him evaluated by a neurologist. If he has always told lies to get attention and sympathy from others, then it is more of an emotional/mental issue.

My mother (who has Alzheimer's), told some of her friends that my sister and I wanted to take all her money and her house away from her. This was in early stages. Of course they did not believe her because they knew she had dementia.

I strongly suggest a neurological check up.

Dementia can come at anytime. Look at the symptoms and see if your dad needs to be evaluated. Early intervention is a great help to long term prognosis.

Strokes can affect the memory too, I think.

Sounds like you are worn out. Even your nom de plume "Angry Daughter" speaks volumes. It would help if you could get out from under the caregiving for a while. Can someone come relieve you while you go lay on the beach? Or whatever your "happy place" is?

My dad is 68 he had 3 stroks he no dementia he just tells lies ive been takeing care of him for8 years he is breaking me down i thought i was doing a good thing not so much anymore

Sometimes what we see as lying is just the squirrelly, skewed way the elder sees their world...and occasionally they add drama for emphasis or to get attention (my elderly neighbor's trick was to wait until a loved one was leaving then drop a bomb to get them to stay longer ("my caregiver is hitting me", "my Grandaughter is stealing money from me"). All untrue, but got her the attention and extra time she wanted, though at a terrible cost of course (the accused tended to be justifiably furious).
If this is a new behavior maybe call Dr. first, talk to Dad 2nd (ask why he believes you "have no food" for instance -- could be one particular item that you don't have that he wants="no food" (haven't you ever complained that there is "nothing to watch on TV" ?).
Maybe have him sit with you and do bills so he can see where his money is going.
Also talk to the people at Adult Daycare. If they have been doing this very long they've seen this before, but they've also seen neglect & abuse, so they have to ask.
Keep extremely good records of the money, just in case. Keep especially good records if any money goes to you - it's reimbursement keep the receipts and a note on the check that lists dates (ie Black nike shoes for Dad - $25, and the receipt for the shoes).
Best if you can keep your finances completely separate, so their isn't the fainest hint of fraud. If your Dad is paying part of the housing/utility, make sure he is paying no more than 50%.

Does your dad have dementia? How recently has he seen a doctor to have his overall health evaluated? How old is he? Are you his durable and medical POA? Does anyone else live in the house other than you and your dad?

I believe we need more information to offer any suggestions. What is your Dad's health situation/diagnosis? How old is he? Does he have dementia? If so, 'story telling' is part of that disease and the staff should realize this. Perhaps a talk with the director of the program may help.